Inspiring Our Kids to Listen to Us
We want our kids to listen to us. We ask them nicely to do something, and nothing happens. The first thing we need to do is get to the core of why they are not listening. There are different reasons with different resolutions to why our kids are not hearing to us. When we take the time to get to the core of their experience, we can create resolutions that are optimal for their individual needs.
Are Your Kids Listening to You?
by Crystal Presence
“The first thing you need to do is figure out why they are not listening. This lack of response is a symptom, not the actual problem” Amy McCready
We want our kids to listen to us. We ask them nicely to do something, and nothing happens. We wonder if they heard us, then repeat it with no response. As our frustration escalates, and we say it one more time. We wonder why our kids are not inspired to listen to us. Amy McCready, parenting educator and founder of Positive Parenting, says that kids not listening are among the most common frustrations she hears from parents. She brings a warm voice of support to us when she supports us to get the core of why they are not listening. She urges us to address this. It often leads to other behavior issues such as tantrums, defiance, and talking back.
There are different reasons with different resolutions to why our kids are not listening to us. As parents, we need to explore and discover what is really going on with each child. They might be simply tired, hungry, not feeling well, having issues with family interactions or physical conditions that could be affecting them. When we take the time to get to the core of their experience, we can create resolutions that are optimal for their individual needs.
As we explore and discover, we can…
Ask the question, “What is the nature of experiencing our kids wanting to listen and respond to us in all the most beneficial ways?”
Notice our state of being. Breathe, move, and vibrate our energy with the intent to connect and release any contraction in our bodies. Breathe and notice the tone and energy behind what we want to say. Do we want sound blaming, shaming, judging, or boring? All they hear is blah, blah, blah? Or do you want to be alive, present, and inspiring to listen to?
Let them feel we want to connect with them. Breathe, get down to their level, make eye contact, and talk to them in a gentle caring way.
Avoid saying, “I’m worried about you.” Being continuously worried can make kids wonder what is so wrong with them that we worry so much. Perhaps say “I’m concerned about…” as a way to let them know we care. Perhaps say, “I’m wondering what is really feeling right now? Be honest with ourselves as we ask, “does worrying work?
Ditch the “don’t” word. The most common example is when we tell someone, “Don’t think of a pink elephant in the room,” the first thing they think of is a pink elephant! So instead of saying “don’t touch that,” we can simply say “hands-off,” Or instead of “don’t stand in the road,” we can say “stand over here.” It is amazing how quickly our kids respond to that!
Notice that too many “no’s” make our kids want to stop listening. A simple “no’ is sometimes the easiest and the best thing to do. When use “yes’ we get to have a better chance of inspiring them to tune into what we have to say. Instead of just saying “No, not now,” we could say “Yes, you can do it later after we get home,” or instead of saying “No, cookies now,” we can say, “Yes, we can have some for dessert tonight.
Remember that our kids want to express their power. We can let them exert their power (within our boundaries, of course) by allowing them to pick out their clothes, decide which book they want us to read, and other things such as letting them play in puddles to their heart’s content
Keep it short. To get our kid’s attention, we have to keep it very short and to the point!
Thank them in advance for what you want them to do. For example, “thanks for putting your muddy boots on the doormat.” Appreciating them in advance shows our trust in them and Inspires them to do the right thing. It enhances our connection, increasing the chance they will do it again.
Talk in a loving assuming tone. For example, a simple comment could be, “I notice that the garbage hasn’t gone out. What is your plan for taking it out?” This inspires our kids to listen and develop a quick plan if they did not already have one! When we want to address homework, take the time to focus on their strengths and their progress. Use opportunities to know that making mistakes is okay. Ask, “What did you learn from choosing that answer?” As for family issues, listen our best to see them from their perspective. Then set a time to turn on music, dance, and move energy!
Clear the pathways for sharing each other’s experiences, perspectives, and time for coming up with resolutions.
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About the Author
Crystal is a certified expansion guide, author, coach, and facilitator for the live event called Freedom at the Core. She is also the instructor and coach for her online course, Freedom from the Inside Out. Crystal is known for the fun and empowering ways she supports people in bringing forth the experiences they want in their lives. She now has a program for parents who wish to explore and experience new leading-edge ways to make parenting more accessible and more fun. She is writing a series of children’s books that embrace the principles of freedom from the inside out.
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