Balancing the Emotional Swarm
When we start to recognize the building of emotional turmoil and stop the swarm before it begins, we can have a more peaceful life.
Learn to Stop the Emotional Swarm Before It Begins
by Shannon Crane
It may only be a casual remark; not meant to stir the beehive. Yet somehow, when the words reach our ears, a swarm of angry thoughts buzz. Without realizing what has happened, we get stung by our emotional response. Any semblance of a peaceful day is gone.
How often does this happen to us without our conscious awareness? Perhaps it’s the sadness that sweeps us away, or maybe self-judgment or blame. For many of us, the emotional connection between our internal interpretation and the external event goes unnoticed.
Working with personal growth and greater self-awareness is like donning a beekeeper’s outfit. We can avoid the sting and protect ourselves from pain by catching the association between our thoughts and feelings. Suppose we recognize how we just assigned meaning to something in a way that destroyed our inner serenity. In that case, we can step back and re-examine.
It can be incredibly empowering to regain control of our emotions this way. Working with our perceptions and understanding how our thoughts influence or create our feelings is extremely rewarding. For those unfamiliar with this practice, it is an arena worthy of exploration.
However, it comes with the risk of setting the stage for a different set of problems. Primarily, the loss of being in touch with our feelings and thereby avoiding them altogether. Rationalizing our way out of emotions can be as dangerous as being controlled by them.
There are few resources available addressing how our thoughts/beliefs are creating our feelings versus when we are using our thoughts/perceptions to avoid our feelings. Furthermore, there isn’t much instruction on how to identify and balance these distinctions. Without guidance, it can be easy to inadvertently swing from one extreme to the other.
Some psychotherapy approaches focus on the full expression of our feelings. Indeed, avoidance of complicated feelings can result in addiction, distraction, or physical illness. Being cut off from our emotions limits our ability to fully enjoy life.
The importance of being present with our feelings and allowing them full expression cannot be overstated. Emotions can get stuck and need to be released. It can be scary as we learn how to go into them without getting lost or swept away by them.
Other psychological approaches may emphasize using our rational mind to understand our feelings. This way, we may calm ourselves down and explore why we might be feeling a certain way. It’s practical and valuable to understand these things intellectually. However, we risk becoming a “talking head”, cut off from our feelings and limiting our experience of them to psychoanalysis.
How can we know when the protection of our symbolic beekeepers’ suit has become attire which no longer fits or serves us? When should we question if our emotions are being created through our thoughts and perception? How do we know when we should just sit naked and vulnerable with what is?
There isn’t necessarily a right or wrong answer to these questions. What is important is that we start to ask them and observe our individual responses. Balance isn’t possible until we recognize both sides of the equation and move towards the center. Once there, it takes practice.
One way we can begin this application is when we observe a sudden change in our mood. We have likely taken an external event and assigned an internal meaning in those moments. For example, a quick shift from happy to sad or pleased to angry may indicate a good time to don our beekeeping suit and delve into a bit of self-analysis.
For instance, imagine you’ve gone for a job interview and felt hopeful you would get an offer. You spend the next day in joyful anticipation. When you get home that evening, you get a message another candidate has been chosen. What happens next?
This situation is perfect for illustrating how we might bypass our feelings and how we might escalate them. Naturally, one would experience disappointment at the news. This emotion might be mixed with some fear, anger, or sadness.
However, we may miss how we are also responsible for our feelings at this moment if our internal dialogue goes unnoticed. “I’ll never find a job,” “I’m a loser,” “maybe I’m not cut out for sales/accounting/teaching/(fill in the blank).” Or we talk as “that jerk who interviewed me didn’t even look at my relevant work experience,” “I knew I shouldn’t have said ….”. The list of potential interpretations and meanings we may have given to this rejection is endless. Each thought has augmented our feeling response.
Compounding our disappointment in this way may sink us into a deep depression, incite our anger or self-loathing, or lead us straight to the bar for a drink. Whether our thoughts or the meaning we’ve assigned to what’s happened are “true” is irrelevant. The bottom line is our emotional response just became about something much bigger than the external event.
Recognizing, working with, and changing our internal dialogue here is important. However, replacing our thoughts with alternative ones who tell ourselves what we “should” or “shouldn’t” feel, think, or do isn’t helpful. Although it’s important to sit with our initial feeling of disappointment, it’s equally important not to add to or expand it with any kind of storyline.
On the other hand, we might want to leave our protective gear off when we recognize we’re feeling sad or down yet don’t have an identifiable external cause or event. Digging into our psyche, searching for a reason we might feel blue, or telling ourselves there’s no reason for the way we think isn’t helpful. Slowing down to simply allow our feelings to come up, on the other hand, can be very worthwhile.
In these times, a great practice is to sit where we will not be disturbed and close our eyes quietly. It’s beneficial to view our feelings as coming from a part of us that simply wants to be acknowledged and allowed expression. Speaking to that part of ourselves with compassion and acceptance can work wonders towards releasing what needs to be expressed.
When we start to recognize the building of emotional turmoil and stop the swarm before it begins, we can have a more peaceful life. Equally important, however, is also learning to fully feel our feelings. Balancing these two extremes can be challenging, but the reward is as sweet and lasting as honey.
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About the Author
Shannon Crane is a writer, speaker, and coach passionate about sharing how one’s focus, feelings, and perspective influence life quality. She has developed an eight-step process to changing focus, getting in touch with the body’s wisdom, and seeing things from a soul perspective. Join her Facebook community or connect with her at www.yourlifeperspective.com.
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