Are You Living in Survival Mode?
We usually go into survival mode, ‘fight or flight,’ when we feel emotional or physical danger. However, it is important to consider psychological safety, too.
Moving Past Survival Mode?
By Rina Bajaj
As babies, we attach to our primary caregivers, such as parents, guardians, carers, siblings, extended family members, etc. It is the person or people responsible for taking care of your practical and emotional needs. This first attachment forms the basis of what we learn about relationships, including how we trust, what makes us feel safe and secure, our perception of the world and its people, and how we react or behave in certain situations. It influences what we internalize about the world and ourselves, and this internal model determines how we view the world, whether we see it as safe or unsafe.
Difficult, frightening, or stressful life experiences, such as loss and abuse, can also impact how safe we feel. Trauma can happen at any age to anyone, and everyone will respond to it in a unique way. The impact it has will depend on previous experiences of trauma, the number and intensity of life stressors experienced, the nature of the trauma, how many safe relationships are present, and if the person feels supported and validated at the time or after the incident.
Anyone who has experienced these concerns has likely become used to being in ‘survival mode’ as a coping method. In a nutshell, we usually go into survival mode, ‘fight or flight,’ when we feel emotional or physical danger. However, when considering safety, it is important to consider psychological safety too. For example, someone may have their physical needs met but still experience emotional neglect or feel that their emotions were not validated, that love was conditional, or they were not seen, heard, or understood by their primary caregivers.
The fight or flight response is linked to releasing cortisol (the ‘stress hormone’) and adrenaline, the body’s natural way of preparing to cope with danger. It is an automatic response to danger linked to the primitive brain, meaning the body cannot distinguish between real or perceived danger or between physical and emotional threats. We usually respond to danger in one of four ways:
Fight: This is where we protest, struggle, or fight back against danger. It can be linked to anger and irritability.
Flight: This can be seen as running away or hiding from danger. It can be linked to avoidance of people, situations, or emotions.
Freeze: This is an experience of numbness or being cut off from the situation or emotion being experienced.
Fawn: This can include trying to appease, please, or pacify the source of the harm (e.g., a particular person).
All of the above are protective mechanisms. All of them are also automatic, part of our survival instinct. Trauma can leave you feeling frightened, invalidated, under threat, humiliated, rejected, abandoned, unsafe, unsupported, trapped, ashamed or powerless. These feelings can trigger in the now, making it more challenging to separate the past from the present and cause those affected to feel emotions more intensely or be hypervigilant or on edge.
When we go into a state of surviving rather than thriving, this triggers our primitive brain as we feel emotionally overwhelmed (e.g., feelings of fear or anxiety). Several academic studies, such as one included in the American Journal of Psychiatry, have researched how to survive the perceived threat; our primitive brain then hijacks the logical brain (prefrontal cortex). As a result, we become less able to regulate our emotions or make logical decisions until we feel emotionally and/or physically safe again.
It can also impact how we behave, as when we are in survival mode, we may be more impulsive, overwhelmed, or vulnerable. We may go out of our way to not make ourselves emotionally vulnerable, for example, by avoiding conflict, lacking empathy for others, or shutting ourselves off from our feelings. But in the absence of real danger, the more we avoid feeling fearful or anxious, the more intense the anxiety and fear become as we don’t allow ourselves to challenge our assumption that we are unsafe or can’t cope. Being constantly in survival mode also impacts how much we emotionally connect with others, as we may not have the energy or focus to do so or feel too scared.
The good news is it’s never too late to change things. This is highlighted in the concept of neuroplasticity. Consistent, physically and emotionally safe, and healthy relationships can create new neural pathways in the brain as the brain can adapt and change in line with our experiences and to learn from them. This re-wires the brain over time, taking us out of survival mode.
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About the Author
Rina Bajaj is a Chartered-Counselling Psychologist with over 17 years of clinical experience in mental health and well-being. She supports individuals with the tools to develop healthier relationships to reach their full potential and live fulfilling lives.
Rina’s new book, The Magic in Me, is all about how people can transform their relationship with themselves and the key people in their lives.
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