The Sad Reality of Gaslighting
Discover the insidious nature of gaslighting, a psychological manipulation where victims doubt their reality. Protect your mental wellbeing.
Gaslighting, a Destructive Psychological Abuse
When we talk about abuse, we usually think of physical and verbal violence. But there is a more subtle type of abuse that goes unnoticed by most of those who suffer from it. The perpetrator’s purpose is to make the victim doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity.
Extremely harmful, Gaslighting is a silent form of aggression, which anyone can practice in close contact and for various reasons. The term originated from a 1938 play, Gas Light, which was later turned into a movie.
The film tells the story of a man who manipulates his wife to convince her and others that she is going mad. He made small changes to the home environment, and when she pointed out such changes, he said they had always been that way and that her memory was incorrect. The movie’s title refers to the dimming of the house’s gas-powered lights. When the husband turned on the attic lights to search for something and the wife noticed the brightness decreasing, he said it was just her imagination—the man aimed to drive the woman mad to inherit her fortune.
“Gaslighting: where the truth becomes a fog, and self-doubt becomes the norm.”
~ Tracy Malone
From the 1960s, the term began to be used to refer to the manipulation of someone’s senses, with a single goal: to drive the person mad or make them think they are crazy and thus benefit in some way. Among the various reasons, some stand out:
Hide an affair: To deny an affair, the abuser may try to convince his wife that she imagined a scene or conversation, heard or read something wrong, or misinterpreted a message.
Cover up other abuses: The abuser mainly tries to minimize their actions and blames the victim for the abuse suffered. The abuser even tries to convince the victim and others that he is the victim.
Deny some wrongdoing or crime: When caught committing a crime, the abuser tries to convince the discoverer that they saw wrong and are being wronged by the accused.
Belittle someone’s ability: Committed in various environments, including the workplace; the abuse can be practiced by a boss who refuses to give a raise to a qualified employee, making them doubt their competence, even when there are indications to the contrary. But it can also be done through a comment: “This is too hard; you won’t learn…”
Generate submission: To dominate, the manipulator makes their victim believe, among other things, that they have lost discernment and cannot make decisions on their own.
Avoid abandonment: Usually, when an abuser feels threatened by abandonment, they manipulate the environment, conversations, messages, and everything else, not only to make their victim distrust themselves but to make others believe that their victim is disoriented and needs someone to care for them.
“Gaslighting is mind control to make victims doubt their reality.”
~ Tracy Malone
And how do we know if we are victims of Gaslighting?
Several other reasons lead someone to manipulate their victims. To identify an abuser, just pay attention to their actions.
The aggressor usually avoids direct confrontations. They do not admit their flaws or defects and are always willing to protect their image. In fact, they become outraged if accused of something or if someone questions their integrity.
When confronted, the abuser always denies their flaws. They try to distort the truth and blame others for any event if they don’t deny it. In this way, the abuser tries to confuse others. In the last case, they devalue others’ perceptions of the matter.
Several signs can confirm this condition. It’s never an isolated fact but a series of events. If you often hear phrases like “It’s all in your head,” “You’re imagining things,” “You’re going crazy,” or “You’re too sensitive,” be alert.
If you don’t feel happy, even though everything seems fine, if you question your reactions, think you’re overreacting, or being too emotional, be alert.
If you’re afraid to make decisions on your own and doubt your good ability in what you do, even though everything indicates otherwise, be alert. If you constantly feel confused about yourself and disoriented about events, if you feel guilty about relationship problems, be alert.
If you constantly apologize to your partner or justify their actions to your family and friends, you are definitely a victim of Gaslighting. If you identify with any of the signs above, react and seek urgent help.
Consult with a psychotherapist who can help you analyze your situation. Don’t let your self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-love be destroyed. You deserve to be happy!
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