What is Emotional Responsibility?

In my experience, most of the people I counsel are women. This is true for my professional consultations and those who follow my Instagram and seek help and advice. Typically, women are more often the victims rather than the perpetrators in this matter: the lack of Emotional Responsibility.

Emotional Responsibility

Emotional Responsibility refers to the awareness and understanding of the impact of one’s emotions, actions, and behavior on others, particularly in personal relationships. I

I recently went through such a situation. The kind that leaves you feeling unwell, even physically ill. After nearly a year of dating, my ex-boyfriend, who had even met my parents, seemed tired of me. He lost interest. Sure, these things happen. It’s not because he liked me once that he has to love me forever. After all, dating is indeed about testing the relationship.

The problem wasn’t the breakup but how it happened. He just freaked out when I tried, and I emphasized, to talk to him about it. He pretended to be deeply hurt by something I didn’t even say. He claimed that it was so serious (my unspoken words) that after our first fight, he “wasn’t even going to talk to you anymore; I’m only talking because you reached out” (sic).

He was a man I loved. We made many plans together. I tolerated many of his faults, just as he did with mine. We had great moments, meaning we had a history. He ended it abruptly, feigning offense and unwilling to meet so I could return his clothes, and he could give me back my building’s remote control. It was as if I had never meant anything to him.

This is emotional irresponsibility. When someone suddenly treats you as if you don’t exist. There’s not even the consideration to end things clearly. I’m not talking about explaining things exhaustively or trying to save the relationship. If someone doesn’t want to continue, that’s their right. But to have a final conversation, to end things as friends, to look the other person in the eye and say, “I’m sorry, but I don’t want this anymore.” That’s sheer cowardice!

I would never do that. But many people do. I counsel many women who go through similar situations, and I believe men do, too (although they tend to seek therapy less in these situations than women). This is emotional cowardice. It’s treating the other person like garbage. In my case, it hurt more than if I had been physically hit – keeping things in perspective. The disregard, the mysterious way he responded to my futile attempts to end things amicably. And I, who am the kindest woman on the planet.

Is Emotional Irresponsibility a Sign of Soul Immaturity?

Yes!

Emotional irresponsibility can often be a manifestation of immaturity. Emotional immaturity is characterized by an inability or unwillingness to manage one’s own emotions and to understand and consider the feelings of others. This can manifest in various forms of emotional irresponsibility, such as:

Avoidance of Accountability: Refusing to take responsibility for one’s own emotional reactions and actions and instead blaming others or external circumstances.

Poor Communication: Struggling to express one’s emotions in a healthy way or not communicating feelings at all, leading to misunderstandings and unresolved conflicts.

Lack of Empathy: Failing to recognize or consider the emotional needs and boundaries of others, which can result in hurting or neglecting others’ feelings.

Impulsiveness: Acting without considering the consequences of one’s actions on oneself and on others, often driven by immediate emotional responses.

Difficulty in Managing Conflicts: Inability to constructively resolve disagreements, often resorting to passive-aggressive behavior, manipulation, or escalation rather than seeking understanding and compromise.

Resistance to Growth: Avoiding self-reflection and not learning from past emotional experiences, leading to repeated patterns of harmful behavior.

The lesson from all this is: take care of your heart.

We never really know who we’re dealing with. In the beginning, everything is rosy, but a person’s true nature gradually shows. Run for the hills if any signs of neglect appear in your relationship. It’s getting really ugly.

On the other hand, let’s be careful with other people’s hearts. It’s perfectly okay if you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with someone, but understand that the other person, as part of the relationship, at least deserves your affection and attention. You don’t have to overdo it or keep explaining yourself if that’s not what you want. But be aware that there is a heart on the other side that deserves kindness and respect. Just that!

Emotional Responsibility is crucial for healthy, respectful, and fulfilling romantic, familial, spiritual, or professional relationships. It involves a balance of attending to one’s own emotional needs while also being considerate and responsive to the emotional needs and well-being of others.

No one is an island. Any energy we send into the Universe comes back to us at some point. Be careful! Be kind and don’t do to others what you wouldn’t want done to you.