Psychiatrists agree that the stigma around bipolar illness has decreased, but there is still a long way to go.
Drop the Stigma of Bipolar Disorder
By Marcia Naomi Berger
My husband recently handed me his phone so I could join a FaceTime chat with Jim, Jack, and Steve. We’ve known Jim socially for over thirty years and have seen Jack often at our synagogue. I didn’t remember Steve, but he said we’d met on a blind date as singles around forty years ago.
After some small talk, I mentioned my book launch, scheduled for May 19th at a popular bookstore.
“What’s your book about?” Jim asked.
“It’s a memoir, “I said, thinking that’s enough to share.
“What’s the title?” Steve asked.
Uh, oh.
I took a deep breath. “The Bipolar Therapist: A Journey from Madness to Love and Meaning,” I said, expecting harsh judgments. What happened next surprised me.
I couldn’t read Jim; he looked blank and said nothing.
Barely missing a beat, Steve said, “I’m OCD” (obsessive-compulsive disorder) and named several of his medical conditions for which he takes twelve different pills daily.
Without specifying the nature of his mental illness, Jack commented on the “stupid conservatorship” they’d put him on.
I felt relieved, almost joyous, to have people act like what had been my shameful secret was no big deal.
Why Many People May Keep Their Mental Illness a Secret?
Why a shameful secret? My bipolar disorder surfaced with manic episodes long ago when I was twenty-nine. Some formerly respectful colleagues, who were also therapists, stigmatized and harassed me. A couple of friends ghosted me.
When I was single, dating, and taking medicine that stabilized me, I became cautious about whom to tell about my mental illness. Why share that part of my private life with someone I might never see again, who might judge me or gossip?
Psychiatrists agree that the stigma around bipolar illness has decreased, but there is still a long way to go. I yearn for a time when people with a mental illness will receive the kind of compassion, acceptance, and respect usually given to those with a physical illness.
By writing The Bipolar Therapist, I’ve begun to release my shame. I don’t want mental illness to be something to hide behind or be ridiculed for. If someone shuns or judges me negatively for having had a mental illness, that’s their problem, not mine.
Spilling My Bipolar Disorder Secret
I’ve been “coming out” to other people lately. Some, like Ellie, say, “I had no idea.” She and I have been friends for over twenty-five years. She knew I was writing another book and asked me about it. With a little fear, I told her my book’s title, adding, “It’s a memoir mainly about when I had bipolar disorder in my twenties and thirties and its consequences.”
Our conversation deepened. Ellie has a mentally ill adult son, the “elephant in the room” everyone is aware of, and she doesn’t talk about it. That changed after I spilled my secret. She told me her son was bipolar and schizoaffective. He causes her much grief because he refuses to take medication.
Ken’s Story
She then told me a story about Ken, a mutual acquaintance, that suggests a future where people will feel okay about disclosing a mental illness. Ken was diagnosed schizophrenic a long time ago. Now in his sixties, he’s led a full life, having married, raised a son, and owned a successful business. He saved enough to buy two homes, one of which he rents out for retirement income.
Ellie said Ken sat beside a stranger at a dinner party. After some small talk, his new acquaintance said, “I’m a psychiatrist.”
“I’m a schizophrenic,” Ken countered.
That sounded like a joke’s punchline. Yet, I wish we could all comfortably share our diagnoses. I long for the day this will happen.
I’m grateful to all for helping us move toward that time by sharing their stories. By writing The Bipolar Therapist, I’ve finally shared mine.
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About the Author
Marcia Naomi Berger (née Fisch), MSW, LCSW, is a psychotherapist in private practice in San Rafael, California, and the author of The Bipolar Therapist: A Journey from Madness to Love and Meaning, Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You’ve Always Wanted, and Marriage Minded: An A to Z Dating Guide for Lasting Love.
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