When Faced with a Problem
Learn to enlarge your heart for a clearer perspective. Practice empathy in decision-making when faced with a problem.
When Faced with a Problem
The last thing I need when struggling is more of me. ~ Mark Nepo
When faced with a problem, I often zero in like a mechanic to look at the gears of the situation, to see what’s caught stuck, or broken. Once looking that closely, I’m always surprised that the problem tends to feel bigger and more urgent than it is. I’ve often wondered why this magnification of trouble happens. The other day, it happened again. I had a difficult interaction with a friend and was looking at the gears of our relationship to see what was stuck or broken. As I kept going over the incident, more and more closely, it loomed so large that I couldn’t think of anything else.
On the way to our kitchen, I began to wonder again why this kept happening. Then, while reaching for a plate in the cabinet, I noticed that when you reach with your hand, your shoulder moves forward along with it. At that moment, it occurred to me that when our mind leans forward in discernment, it brings our heart along with it. And when the mind focuses and narrows its lens like a microscope, it pulls the heart into that narrow field of focus.
Once the heart is dragged into the narrowed field of focus, part of our practice is to give time space and attention so the field of our heart can enlarge, so we don’t stay small. Otherwise, decisions, problems, and situations narrow until they seem larger than they are, and our way in the world is colored with a sense of false urgency. Over time, we are asked to develop a practice of focusing the mind while enlarging our heart. This way, we can see clearly what is before us and what needs our attention, while acting on the situation from a larger context of life.
Once we’ve seen a situation clearly and precisely, we have to find ways to let our hearts regain the perspective of a unified view of life. The practice here is twofold. First, to recognize when our mental focus has dragged our heart along, making things too big and our hearts too small. And secondly, to enlist the means by which we can restore our largeness of heart and meet the situation at hand.
We might restore our largeness of heart by sitting in silence, walking in nature, listening to music, reading a favorite poem, telling a favorite story, talking with a friend, learning something new, or planting a bed of flowers. Only you will know the practice by which you can restore the largeness of your heart. How we reanimate our gifts when bent over by trouble is part of our personal practice of return.
Central to all efforts of return is that when overwhelmed or mired in confusion or complexity, we need to re-enter our hearts. Often, when stuck in our minds, no amount of similar thinking will calm us. As Albert Einstein said, “You can’t solve a problem with the thinking that created it.”
The gift of consciousness is that, unlike other creatures, we can discern patterns, gather insights, and weave those insights into meaning. When blessed, we can weave those meanings into wisdom. However, the liability of consciousness is that, if not kept fresh, our thinking hardens into assumptions and conclusions. Then, like plaque that hardens in our arteries, our assumptions and conclusions keep us from clear and direct living.
Unattended assumptions and conclusions harden further into bias, prejudice, and even hatred. Like plaque in our arteries, assumptions, and conclusions make the heart work harder. If not broken up and cleared out, assumptions and conclusions become dangerous to our health. I invite you to personalize this by asking yourself: What practices enable you, in your life, to break up and clear out your assumptions and conclusions, so you can restore direct experience
When tangled mentally, overthinking can just tangle us more. So, try giving attention to anything nearby; it will relax your mind’s tension. Express the truth of your situation and it will give pause to the judgments in your mind. Try giving to anyone when tangled and it will undo the knot in your mind.
These acts of thoroughness can cleanse our eyes and ears, giving us fresh perspectives with which to engage what’s before us. These acts of wholeheartedness can restore our presence and direct experience of life. They give us access to life’s unitive resources, which always wait below the tangle.
Another mental habit that tangles the mind away from the heart is our adherence to preferences. The more encumbered we are with preferences, the more muffled our heart becomes, as too many preferences layer themselves between us and our immediate experience of life. The less preferences we have, the more wholehearted we are. We will have likes and dislikes because we are human but to install these likes and dislikes as I don’t need five reviews to take a chance on a movie or a new restaurant. Or endless criteria to say hello. After all, you don’t interview ambulance drivers, you take the first one to come along.
So, when feeling gray, lonely, and covered by our web of choices, we can suspend our want for a guaranteed good outcome and simply hold nothing back and lean into life, welcoming all experiences—one more time. Being willing to be touched by life and being grateful for the whole spectrum of experience restores our aliveness.
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About the Author
With over a million copies sold, Mark Nepo has moved and inspired readers and seekers all over the world with his #1 New York Times bestseller, The Book of Awakening. Beloved as a poet, teacher, and storyteller, Mark has been called “one of the finest spiritual guides of our time,” “a consummate storyteller,” and “an eloquent spiritual teacher. Visit: MarkNepo.com or Live.MarkNepo.com
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