Mad for “Mad Men”

I’ve been thinking about why people are so crazy about the TV show “Mad Men”, lately. True, the writing is darkly intelligent, the cast effortlessly fits into their suave costumes and characters, and the décor perfectly evokes the time and place. Still, I sense that it’s some other, ineffable quality that has so captured our attention.

It seems to me that some viewers are indulging in a bit of vicarious pleasure, watching Don Draper continually avoid the consequences of his immoral or illegal behavior. On the other hand, he’s also humbled every now and then, which seems to assuage our guilt at taking too much pleasure in his indiscretions. He has his own quiet nobility and a strong sense of loyalty. He is flawed but fully human and we identify with him.

In fact, all the characters are so finely drawn that we can see aspects of ourselves in Peggy Olsen’s struggles to find a man who appreciates her sharp intelligence and ambition; we empathize with Joan who, if she were male, would probably be running the entire agency; we agonize along with Sal who must hide his true nature from his closest friends and we understand Pete Campbell’s terrible jealousy and begrudging admiration towards Don, and his own troubled longings for greatness.

I believe that there are even more compelling reasons why we’ve become consumed with the lives of the gang from Sterling Cooper Draper Price. We’re living in a time of social, financial and political chaos, where all the gloves have come off, and we’re longing to return to an era when people wore their actual and symbolic gloves proudly.

Yes, some of the old rules of conduct were repressive, and there was rampant sexism, racism and homophobia. Children were to be “seen and not heard” and women were paid less than men for equal work, if they were able to get the work at all. On the positive side, there were clear and cogent social guidelines to follow and a value placed on common courtesy, discretion, putting others at ease and sparing their feelings; all of which we are deeply nostalgic for, these days.

I was a time of innocence; we didn’t really know what smoking and drinking would do to us. AIDS was beyond imagining, and adultery, or any other private activities, were practiced in the absence of incriminating e-mails, cell-phone photos or Facebook pages. Folks in the mid 1960’s weren’t over-stimulated, over-exposed, jaded or sourly cynical as we are today.

I think that many of us crave the sense of privacy and propriety that was the norm, back then. It’s not that people should be allowed to get away with any type of bad behavior, but since we’re all human and fallible, it would be awfully nice if we could make our occasional slip-ups away without the entire world watching. In Don Draper’s time people were circumspect, and no-one had their nose in the other guy’s literal or figurative affairs.

Back then, people’s minds were clear of the burdensome and irrelevant clutter that is made up of the prurient details from the lives of social networking “friends,” reality-TV stars or most anyone in the public domain. I, personally, don’t really want to know the gory details of every pseudo-celebrity’s life. Back in the 1960’s, people were content to mind their own business.

There was a certain formality to the time. People dressed for the occasion as a sign of respect. No-one would be so rude as to show up in shorts and flip-flops for the opera, or dare to text (if such a thing had existed) while at a social function, either. There was a high value placed on behaving appropriately in public. People who didn’t suffered social consequences, and although today, we might think that unfair, it certainly kept people from carrying on in the offensive manner that is the norm in the 21st century.

People knew what was expected of them in that time and although some of the expectations could at times be repressive, many were enormously reassuring. People didn’t have the role-confusion they do today, with the consequent fragmentation of personal relationships.

There was a high value placed on moral courage; on stepping up and doing the right thing. Kindness and altruism were highly regarded. The “me generation” had not yet come into existence. People had genuine humility, but also took pride in their accomplishments, which gave life more meaning. The notion of the self wasn’t as exalted as it is today, and this made for better connections with others.

Being reliable, responsible and loyal weren’t considered “uncool” as they are today, and as a result, people could depend on one-another, which created stronger social bonds. Being able to count on one’s friends and colleagues did a lot to decrease the day-to-day stress in people’s lives.

Hard work was a value back then, as were patience, integrity and decorum. People had tact, and prided themselves on keeping their promises. Today we value the spilling of guts, the absence of rules and the quick and easy solution (that usually backfires). We mistakenly believe that having the conveniences of modern life means that everything should be instant and painless.

There was an understanding that the social niceties represented a civilized way of behaving toward one-another. People knew that real closeness took time, and that a gradually increasing openness to one’s friends and potential partners was a preferable way to build a connection than the confessionals which masquerade as a first date or the beginning of a friendship, in this day and age.

Back then, everyone knew when they were being shallow and polite and when they were being real with others. Today, we tell ourselves that we’re being genuine, but in fact, we’re giving out excessive personal information without having first created a meaningful bond. The internet complicates things, as we now confuse superficial or dishonest on-line interactions with real friendships or love-affairs.

People troll the on-line dating sites today like fishermen troll the seas, but unlike the dwindling stocks of fish, there’s a continuous flow of potential partners to meet on-line. For someone engaging in this, it’s too easy to think, “Well, that was a nice person, but I bet I could do better.” Modern technology has made the sheer number and variety of candidates so tantalizing that it’s become impossible to be satisfied with just anyone, as we search for perfection out of the infinite pool of possibilities.

Today, we are so used to things being effortless that we’ve become unwilling to expend energy in our work-life or our romantic relationships. Passivity is the new name of the game. Young people sit on their sofas eating order-in pizza while playing video games or watching reruns of old TV shows instead of meaningfully interacting with each-other or engaging in something constructive. They can and do order everything on-line, never needing to leave the house, let alone get dressed. Alienation is the corollary of this new “why bother?” attitude.

These same people are being fired from their first jobs because they have no concept of professionalism or a work-ethic. They show up late, text their friends while at their desks, and talk back to their boss. They believe that if this job doesn’t work out, there will be an infinite supply of work available on Craig’s List, Kijiji or Monster.com.

At the same time, social networking has made it easier for people to leave a marriage or to have an affair rather than to confront a partner with real needs and feelings when problems arise. When a new partner could be just a click away, the challenge of a meaningful relationship seems overwhelming and unnecessary. Not only are razors, pens and contact lenses disposable, but so are relationships, today.

Although parenting was often neglectful or overly-harsh in Don Draper’s time, a child would think twice before being rude to their parents. Today, in the absence of any clear idea of what makes sense, we have the “helicopter” type of parents who over-protect and over-stimulate their children, rendering them neurotic and incapable of caring for themselves as adults.

At the other extreme of modern parental confusion are the laissez-faire parents who try to be friends with their children, and whose children grow up with contempt for authority, as well as the confusion, insecurity and anxiety created by an absence of actual parenting.

Parents need to be in charge, to make and enforce the rules and to be positive role-models for the next generation (if only to give the children something to rebel against), but they also need to lead by example, and to allow their children to learn from the natural consequences of being frustrated and of making mistakes.

I’m not saying that we want the same type of parenting that went on in the mid-1960’s, but it is obvious that everyone benefits when a child grows up respecting and trusting both her parents and herself. Without guidance, discipline and clear expectations, children grow up unable to function normally in their work-life or relationships.

While it’s true that many of our modern inventions have improved the quality of our health and our lives, fast food, internet scams, subprime mortgages and on-line porn sure haven’t. We avidly watch Don and Joan, Roger and Betty each week with a yearning for what has been lost.

While I’d never advocate a return to the values of 1960’s middle-class white America, I would have us think twice about throwing the baby away with the bathwater. If there are things we still like, even need from that time, why not incorporate these ideas and values into our modern life, thereby creating the best of both worlds?

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