Dare to Be Happy

By Sonia Choquette

Last week I was invited to a barbeque in the backyard of a good friend. Being new to most of the other guests present, I listened to the conversations before I joined in. Most of what I heard centered on people’s misery or challenges. Not surprisingly the general theme among the guests was, “I’d be okay of only something or another were different in my life”. There were sympathetic reverberations throughout the crowd as people shared their varying woes, most of which I could very much relate to. There were discussions about the struggles of raising kids (I knew them well), of family members who were physically ill (I have those too), of rising property taxes (ours have gone through the roof), challenging partnerships (mine is among the best), and other realities of living in the physical, human world with other people.

As I listened, I noticed a tremendous energetic pull to enter into “sympatico” with those present, by chiming in with woes of my own. But I know it is far more self-loving to be positive and peaceful in spite of all life’s problems, and resisted the temptation to commiserate. Troubles or not, my Spirit prefers to be happy and so I chimed with positive conversation.

When I shared my peaceful state with the other guests, the conversation came to an uncomfortable halt, and those I was speaking with quickly moved away. I tried a few more attempts at being generally positive only to realize that it just wasn’t popular to be so cheerful.

What I experienced, instead were strained smiles, and a few condescending “Lucky you’s,” followed by a, “How come you get to be so special? “ Or people simply let the conversation die by acting suddenly distracted, and step walked away.

In any case, I am not sharing this to elicit sympathy. I just want to point out that choosing to be happy and filled with self-love will not necessarily win you any immediate popularity contests.

I am not the first to notice or suggest this however. Fellow author, Carolyn Myss, has written and spoken extensively about what she calls “the currency of misery” in our culture and our addiction to it.

I’ve noticed it too. This currency is the ego running the show. It loves to share misery because it only feels misery. It doesn’t know anything else. So, of course people who do not know they are Spirit, so do not connect with their Spirit, fall under the ego’s spell and complain. If you do not resonate with the ego, the ego gets quite annoyed with you as a ploy to intimidate you into compliance with its misery. After all, misery does love company.

So beware of this potential ambush, and stay alert. Don’t get intimidated into commiserating on an ego level with others as a way to be connected. Be true to your Sprit and do not feel embarrassed by or intimidated about feeling good about yourself. You may initially feel a bit out of sync with the world, and in fact you are. At least you are out of sync with the dominant energies of the general consensus, which is the miserable ego at its worst. Stick with loving yourself and living your Spirit and be patient with others. Though it’s hard to believe at times, there are others resonating at a higher level of vibration, and if your vibration is consistently high you will connect to them. In the meantime, stay true to your Spirit, and enjoy your peace, even if it is unpopular.

Recognize assaults or judgments on your happiness as attacks from the ego and laugh them off. As you raise your vibration and simply live a higher way, those who are deeply mired in the muck of ego will challenge you every time. See these challenges as an opportunity to show these very same people another way. Their reaction may not be positive at first, but you will give them something to think about. Have compassion when you are confronted with serial negativity and see the moment as a chance for you to spread a little joy their way. You never know how it will affect them in the long run, and you may be surprised.

A dear client shared her challenge to self-love last year. She traveled with her aunt to a small town in Iowa to buy candy made at a local convent by nuns who were famous for their confections. Shortly after loading up on their famous caramels, she took a bite, savored the flavor and turned to her aunt with light -hearted exuberance and said, “I really enjoy this caramel. And I am so grateful that I am able to enjoy such sweetness in life”.

To which her aunt sharply retorted, “you should be grateful young lady because goodness knows you don’t deserve such sweetness or anything else God gives you.”

Wow. That was enough negativity to knock the sweetness right out of the caramel and out of my client’s heart too. Fortunately this assault didn’t hit the mark of shame it was headed for. My client did love herself and her Spirit was enjoying the candy tremendously, and she wasn’t about to let her sour grapes aunt take that away from her. She just smiled and took another bite.

They returned home and soon parted ways. My client laughed off the remark and didn’t give it another thought. Six months later she received a surprise package in the mail. It was a box of caramels from the monastery, sent by her aunt. In it there was a note that read, “You so enjoyed these caramels that I wanted to send you some more. Just knowing they are sweetening your day, sweetens mine.” She was shocked. Apparently her decision to remain in the vibration of self-love had some sort of lasting effect on her aunt. From the note she could tell her aunt’s Sprit had been touched that day, and apparently, unbeknown to her, had awakened. That made the entire trip together all the more sweet.

My point is to not take anyone’s resistance to your joy personally. Choosing to self-love challenges the collective paradigm of guilt and shame that has controlled us for thousand years. If we go the route of the ego, no one will ever feel worthy of self-love. To choose to live your Spirit, you will be instantly liberated. And moreover, you will help, by your example, others to liberate themselves as well. Not immediately perhaps. But it will eventually. My spiritual teacher taught me this lesson when he said, “the way to help the miserable of the world is don’t be one of them.” That’s simple enough. So though unpopular, it is nevertheless loving to others to love yourself and live your Spirit.

To support this decision, see yourself as part of nature, as beautiful as all of God’s holy creations. We are not flawed. We are not defective. We are not deviants. We are Divine, holy expressions, beautiful and pleasing creations, and to love ourselves openly and without hesitation is to accept and trust God’s love for us.

We are given free will and with it can either align with our Spirit, the Spirit of love or we can align with ego. The first commandment however tells us not to align with false gods. The ego is a false god, and to self loathe or reject joy is to serve a false god and break the first commandment. With self-love we honor god and live our Spirit. We heal from the delusions and assaults of the ego. We become whole and holy. By loving our Spirit we honor the first commandment and our Creator.

To choose to self-love, can feel quite unpopular. It can be lonely. It will be challenged, and most undoubtedly tested. See this as the negative resistance of the ego and be prepared to face it – head on. Do not take the negative resistance and challenges of others personally. If anything, see it as a sign that you are breaking free from pernicious vicious cycle of self -loathing and self-controlling ego that is causing so much pain. The greater the resistance you feel and face, the greater the indication you are succeeding in moving back to love of self-love of Spirit.

No matter what comes your way, stay true to your commitment to love your Spirit and don’t get pulled off center by others’ judgments. Realize people are not spiritually healthy and forgive them. Judging self and others is a soul disease similar to the flu. It releases the same toxic hormones, makes you feel bad, and is contagious. Anyone consumed with what I call the “psychic flu” of negativity is quite ill, and feels bad. Have compassion. Have mercy. But have common sense as well. Realize this kind of energetic flu is contagious and can seize upon even the healthiest of us. Be glad your self-love gives you resistance. With practice, it will give you complete immunity. Just know, God wants us to be happy, joyous and free. He commands us to be. Stay true to your Spirit and honor god. Insist on enjoying life no matter what.

To self love and live your Spirit in the face of negative reactions,

Smile