Finding Mr. or Mrs. Right Online

By Dana Jacoviello

Many of us want that happily ever after fairytale ending. The question is, does that even exist or is it all smoke and mirrors? We watch these romantic movies and compare our lives to them and ask ourselves why we can’t find that. We can’t find that because it is a movie. It is not reality. So how do we find that right person out there? I do believe it exists. We are all meant for something including what type of partner and when. There is much more involved in just simply dating or going online and connecting with someone. We can connect with a variety of people, but it does not mean they are the “right” one. Many of us can say we have been through several brutal dates and relationships to prove that statement. This is not to say the other half has not found their true loves and are living happy lives. So why does it seem so easy for others? That is simple to answer. They were open to finding what they needed and wanted. They attracted the exact energy they were looking for and giving off.

So many times we force something that can’t be forced or we stay in miserable relationships so we are not alone. We fear being alone, so we settle. We love the way we believe we deserve to be loved. Those ridiculously embarrassing dates or moments can turn into memories. Of course you will run into a few questionable issues when dating as we all have. You know, the ones where you might want to jump out of a moving car or run for your life; however, if we stop being so picky and vain and be more open to letting someone in that doesn’t fit our list of impossible expectations, we might just find Mr. or Mrs. Right. How much do you make? What type of car do you drive? What do you do for a living? What color is your hair? These are things that people worry about when trying to find a partner. This is the problem. Stop thinking and having so many rules. Just go into it with an open mind. Don’t analyze every single thing that comes out of their mouth. Don’t worry about how they do their hair or how they dress. Basically, don’t be so vain. It is a fact that our society has conformed to this.

You never know who you will fall for or develop feelings for if just given a chance. I hear so many people say they don’t know why they are single and can’t find someone. Well, maybe you should stop being picky and worrying about all the wrong things. If you complain you don’t have time. make time. You can’t do a complete turnaround in the middle of courting someone. This is a turnoff. If you are not ready, don’t start it. We all are busy and have lives. You make time for someone special or stay single. That being said, do not disregard qualities, morals, and values. That is completely understandable.

Attraction and chemistry are important as well as communication. What is not is a list of outrageous wants and needs. Here are a few online dating don’ts:

Do not post pictures of you half-naked. It is not a photo shoot.

Do not take pictures in the bathroom. It is a turn off.

Don’t post ten pictures of your pets and the ocean and the sun and trees. We know what nature looks like. People want to see YOU!

Don’t put that you want a serious relationship and say later that you just are looking for casual.

Don’t get into dating if you are on the rebound or not even divorced yet. That never ends well. Take a breather.

Don’t just post pictures of your head. Post some full body pictures and at least half your body.

Don’t post pictures of hot girls all over you. This is also a turnoff and makes you look like a player. Women this goes for you as well with men.

Do not post pictures that look like you’re a model. Most likely we will find out that it is a fake profile and that is not you at some point unless you regularly take professional pictures for a dating site.

Don’t post pictures that are ten years old and scanned and blurry. What is the point of that? Self-explanatory I think…no?

Don’t write one silly line on your profile. Actually write a little something about yourself.

Don’t limit yourself so much when answering question by being so specific that you make it impossible for anybody to respond to you because they are not Barbie.

Be open to travel. You do not always find someone down the street. Sometimes you actually have to get off the couch and go more than two feet.

Make an effort.

Don’t ask for a number or to go out for coffee before you even speak. You are a stranger. Most will tell you no or not answer. Get to know each other first for a bit. This is a major reason why people do online dating because it provides the luxury of getting to know someone first before wasting their time.

Don’t be so serious in your profile. Throw some humor in there. People like funny. Who doesn’t want to laugh? J

Don’t put how much you want a person to make. Really?

Don’t put that they need to have specific jobs. Yes I have seen this. Again, really?

Don’t have five profiles on different sites that all say something different. Make one active profile at a time. Men and women might question the desperation in that. That is not an attractive quality. Sorry, but it is the truth.

Don’t juggle several prospects and email someone and disappear. There is never a bigger and better fish. You will find that you threw back a good one for what you thought was a better one. Concentrate on one person at a time. Trust me. Much easier and nobody gets led on or hurt.

Don’t right away ask very personal or intimate questions. This looks like you just want one thing.

Don’t email someone and write Hi. Actually write a few sentences so we know you can hold a conversation.

Don’t send a wink or smile or whatever it is that is on the particular site you joined and never reply when they send one back or email you.

Be honest. If you are not interested just say that. Don’t ignore people as you would like the same courtesy.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions. That is the entire point of getting to know someone. If they refuse or seem weird about a particular question, you might need to be concerned why. Ask appropriately though.

Don’t text or email for days and days or have ‘full on’ hours of conversation through text. Pick up the phone and let the person hear you voice. It is much more personal and you get a better feel and read on a person. People forget how to converse and date the old fashioned way these days. IT IS NEVER good to have serious conversation through messaging or emails. TALK

Don’t go on a dating site and say you are looking for friends. It is not a friend site. It is a dating site. I think people get the two confused. There are sites to make friends. It is called social media.

Don’t tell someone you want to get married in six months and have their baby. This does not usually go over well.

Don’t over share too quickly. NO! NO! And…NO! Never a good idea. Go at a natural pace. Nobody wants to know that you have post-nasal drip on a first conversation or date.

These are just some major ones that are big no-no’s. You will find that both men and women rarely respond to these types of profiles or dates unless they are the same way. There are a few more we can all think of to add to this list I’m sure; however, just know the limits. The more limits, the less likely you will find Mr. or Mrs. Right. We all want to be happy and not alone. We usually end up alone because it is comfortable or we are scared to venture out into the world of dating. It has definitely changed over the course of the last decade.

Online dating is the new fad because with hectic schedules nobody has time to go out as much and people are less and less interested in finding a partner in a bar. Date before you decide to commit. Get to know someone before you even venture out. Always meet in a public place. There is nothing wrong with dating other people or talking to other people if you so choose, but let the person know you are doing so. Nobody wants to believe they have your full attention when they do not. Honesty is always best. All these little things will lead you to finding that right person in time. It is all about timing as well.

Be aware of the warning signs, go with the flow, slow your roll, be willing, be accepting, be open, don’t write someone off too quickly, give them a chance, and let the game come to you. Don’t look or try so hard because it usually has a negative outcome. You need to know exactly what you want and are looking for going in. Maybe…just maybe, Mr. or Mrs. Right will show up right in front of you when you least expect it. Those are usually the best love stories.

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Dana Jacoviello is a writer, psychology student, student affiliate of APA and NYSPA. Dana is also a motivational mentor and coach, with a strong interest in networking and social media, healing, yoga and meditation. Dana is also a contributor to OM Times Magazine. Please join Dana on her latest anti- bullying campaign/project www.bullieskeepout.com

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