Grief and the Mysteries of Life

Grief

By Gita Saraydarian

Grief is an important part of spiritual growth. Through the process of grief, we learn the mysteries of life. Each period of grief, due to loss of loved ones or separation from loved ones, provides a platform for a deeper appreciation of the process of life.

I have learned in my life that it is better to be honest with our feelings than try to fit them into a preconceived “spiritual” mold. We feel what we feel; so it is better to look at our feelings honestly and accept them. Our feelings are an important part of our spiritual experience; they tell us exactly what we are all about at that very moment of facing momentous crises.

When my father was told he had four months to live, I felt a terrible sadness that I did not at first comprehend. For some time, people from around the world prayed night and day to heal him. But at some point, I remember him saying that if it is meant to be, then he will live for a few more years. If not, it was time to go and we should not try to hold onto him. During those four months, I did not know how to contemplate his passing, I did not know what that was yet. I did not know the journey I was about to take. I was too busy talking to him about the responsibilities that lay ahead for me.

When he passed away, I grieved, in waves, in some form or another, in some intensity or another, for five years. I noticed that after five years, the sting of grief left me and instead, I felt the joy of remembering my father. It became a natural process for me and I learned so much by letting myself go through this without feeling guilty for feeling the pain of separation.

Grief is a complex mystery that we can understand only by going through it. It is very natural to feel grief. As we learn more about the Greater Life, our grief shows us the path of learning about our life in context of the Greater Life. We know we cannot hold onto the departing one, yet we do naturally feel the pain of separation. We are in fact giving back to the whole of life, to a new life and new future, someone with whom we spent a lifetime. That person is part of the very fabric of our life, even impressed into our DNA, physical and spiritual. As a loved one goes through the separation process, part of us is also experiencing the separation from this material plane and the birth onto the spiritual plane. If we let ourselves, we will also experience the mystery of life and the process of life on many levels.

Grief is a useful aspect of life that allow us to process waves of memories, thoughts, feelings, conversations that can, in their wake, clean out so many blockages that we hold inside of us.

We let the Divine mystery flow its energy inside of us and clean us. We learn about life, about detachment, about living by the processes of birth, growth, marriage and children, death, and rebirth. We learn about angelic help and healing when we are in most need. Grieving teaches us about life on many levels. Who can describe life and death to us? Yet in grieving, we learn. We learn by observing how even in the most sad moments of our life, we found times when we enjoyed something, we smiled at someone, we were kind and loving, despite the pain in our hearts. We listened and we communicated, even when pain pulled us back. We remember moments when grief lifted and we experienced a great feeling of oneness and continuity.

If we accept grief as part of our life, then we can grieve and also observe what is happening to us. This is constructive grief. Constructive grieving helps us appreciate life, the higher worlds, the continuity of life, and the blessings of life. Importantly, it teaches us that we do not belong to ourselves when we are living; we are a part of the fabric of our families and communities. Experiencing grief makes us live better when we are alive! We learn that when we die, we do not belong to anyone to whom we belonged when living on earth. Suddenly, the outer ties that were limited by time and space are broken and something greater and momentous remains. Our loved one now belongs not just to us, but to everyone and everything. He is a soul in eternity who will return to earth under a new name and a new identity. What a huge mystery!

Through conscious grief we become more compassionate, loving, forgiving, and humble. We can feel the pain that so many others go through every day in some part of the world. We unite our heart with the hearts of others. It opens the sense of compassion in us, a blessed state of forgiveness, for all that transpired with this one person, at this time, at this place in our many lives.

No need to deny your feelings. Go ahead and experience them. Have the presence of mind to observe yourself and see how grieving is affecting you, your life, your loved ones both living and not. See how you are expanding into greater awareness.

Spiritual Fitness for the New Year

A compassionate understanding of life is the path of discipleship. As we become dedicated disciples and we walk our talk, we learn that this path is often difficult, often joyful, and it definitely involves an honest approach to the process of life. We are not living a lie. We are not pretending.

The Spiritual Teachings of the Ancient Wisdom are not meant to deny our complex layers of humanity but to help us learn the mysteries of life through experiencing all the feelings of life, consciously.

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