The Sound of Silence
By Hilde Pols
Excuse me, what did you say? … Noise, is a constant obstacle in our day to day life. Whether it is the cars out on the streets, the workers hammering away next door, or even the radio or TV babbling in the background. The result is not only misunderstanding and distraction but the fact that many find it hard to find silence or to be quiet. Living in noisy surroundings makes us noisy, as we strive to be heard over the din.
Have you ever entered a library from a busy street, and find you need a while to adapt? You might just have passed a building site. Yet whilst you thought the noise of the hammering was deafening the sudden quiet you have walked into seems like a solid wall. This also shows why some people find it hard to keep their voice down or even whisper, as they are still (or always are) hyped up and have grown accustomed to the fact that they have to raise their voice to be heard.
Being Heard
It has become part of life: If you do not speak up or make your opinion heard you seem to no longer exist. In many cases this results in voices growing louder, interrupting each other or even talking over each other. After all, we want to offer our thoughts for consideration.
It is a common challenge in music ensembles, too: the individual players cannot hear themselves playing and, not wanting to be overheard, start to play louder. Soon their neighbors follow suit, because they too want to be heard, and so on. Before you know it the beautiful quiet passage has developed into a roar of sound, lacking in distinction or discernible melodic structure, whilst harmony and intonation are lost.
The same happens in conversations, where one or more participants feel they are not being heard, or even – whether consciously or not – try to blend out another by talking louder or over them. The harmony of the conversation is lost. The participant(s) is no longer in tune with what is being said. In many cases the conversation turns into an argument or is ended without the topic at hand being fully resolved. In the end little to nothing was heard, but a lot was said.
The Art of Listening
When is the last time that you really listened to what another was telling you? Not just the words they use, but the sound of their voice, which words they are stressing, their body language or the flow of their speech? Truly listening is offering another the necessary silence and thus the space to convey what they want to bring across. We not only catch and understand more of what the other is saying, but also help them to formulate their point to the best of their ability. Instead of having to jockey for those few precious seconds in which they have to then squeeze everything they want to say, they can focus and even relax. A good listener can even boost a shy speaker, by doing nothing more than taking the time to be silent and actively listening.
Likewise, take a moment to go out into nature and be aware of the silence (or lack there of). It is more and more common to see people plugged into their phones or ipods. Physically, they are outdoors, mentally however, they are closed off. The most beautiful songbird might be sitting just a branch away, yet they do not hear it. The quiet rustle of the wind moving the fields lies unnoticed. And in these little things we cannot only find joy, but peace and relaxation. Whether phone, ipod or another distraction, a rhythm of external pulses keeps us busy, distracts us or even winds us up. This leads to a narrow focus, making us oblivious to anything else. Out in nature, however, we can relearn to open up our awareness more as we relax. Having learnt this we can return to our conversations, as even better listeners, picking up on little details and recognizing otherwise overlooked solutions.
Finding Inner Silence
The hardest person to have a conversation with, is yourself. Where it is easy to not hear or cut across someone else, the inner voice can go around in circles for hours. The modern age has found a good solution to this: radio, music, TV or any other means of distraction. Keep that mind busy so it cannot fall into its routine of discussing some tough topic for hours. The downside is that the mind chatter then starts up once we lie in bed struggling to go to sleep.
Here like before it is about allowing the silence to develop and to listen. Part of the reason that the mind keeps running in circles is the fact that we are trying to distract ourselves from what it is saying, or not listening properly. Just like the conversation partner who is being tuned out or overheard, the mind wants to put its point across. And as it has grown to know you so well, it knows exactly how to get through your defenses, whether this is by repetition, dreams or lack of concentration, just to name a few.
Silent Waters Run Deep
Mindfulness meditation teaches us to take the plunge, let go and observe the mind’s chatter. Though scary, this offers a direct route to solving challenges in our life, as we take the time to really listen to what is on our mind, without judgement or evasion. Only by acknowledging, understanding and then resolving issues can we find the balanced silence we have been looking for all along. Taoism describes this as swirling water (mind) and red sand (thoughts) in a glass, where, as the water settles, the sand gathers at the bottom thus leaving clear and calm water.
Quiet people are often met with the shallow remark “silent waters run deep”. Yet in revisiting the above Taoist thought, we only find the depths of silence when the waters settle. In finding silence we have a vantage point to watch life to evolve and show all its facets. Whether this is when interacting with the outer world, in a conversation with another or dealing with our inner world. Next time you find yourself inundated by noise, whether literally or internally, take some time to find and listen into the silence. You will learn to navigate your way through the noisy swirl, enabling you to become a great listener to your and thoughts of others, an observer of life’s little details.
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About the Author
Hilde Pols combines her music training with her energy work: As a flute and ensemble teacher she developed many techniques to encourage creativity and a sense of the own body, mind and soul. As a Certified Meditation Instructor, Healer and Dorn/Breuss Therapist she supports individuals to take life into their own hands. Providing healing and other modalities at http://inkaleidoskop-engl.weebly.com/ in Germany, she has also taught in Denmark and the US.
