Shift Your Perspective: On Love

The romanticized version of love is what causes much pain in relationships. The idea of what poets and movies tell you love should look like is unrealistic for most people. There are definite rewards each person gets from the other, roles each plays in the relationship, and expectations of the other that may or may not be fulfilled.

Your definition of love guides and attracts your relationships. Whether you have healthy, loving relationships or dysfunctional, difficult ones, it all ties back to your definition of love. Most people learn what love is from the parental interaction. At a young age, parents teach what is expected from you, what you can expect from them, and the nature of that relationship. It also colors the relationship you have with yourself and your capacity for self-love.

Of late, I’ve noticed patterns in those who are struggling in relationships of all types – intimate, work, friends, and family. They all have a similar sense to them, a clear pattern that repeats itself in all aspects of life. And then it jumped out at me; their definition of love sets the tone for all of their relationships and the types of relationships they attract.

When the word love is mentioned, the mind goes to the emotional response and connotation. While love can bring the most exuberant joy, it can also result in incredible sorrow. It has been the reason for great acts of selflessness, as well as horrific atrocities.

Everybody wants love, to be loved, to give love. Love provides a sense of connection, of self-worth, and belonging. Some people go through many relationships trying to find the one where they feel safe and secure. Others endure terrible treatment by those they believe do it out of love or the fear that no one else would love them.

Love in its purest form carries a high vibrational frequency. At the other end of the love continuum, the journey is difficult and fraught with darkness. Understanding the shadow side of love is critical in order to transcend that negativity and to manifest love in its most beautiful expressions.

To get to the heart of what is needed in a relationship is to have a clearer picture of what to look for in a partner. The first experience people have with love is the parental or caregiver interaction and how it is experienced. The phrase “you married your mother/father” has a lot of truth to it, as the relationship you experienced with one or the other parent is in the cellular memory as familiar. Some may feel that difficult parental interactions have been buried or put aside, but in most cases, the effects linger into adulthood and show up in all relationships.

It goes beyond physical attraction, the chemistry everyone is looking for, and allows the initial passion to mature into a deep and satisfying love. What follows is a reduction in arguments and a faster resolution when there is a tiff. Even if there is an initial attraction, if the person falls short in daily interactions, the physical attraction wears off, whereas with a genuine liking and caring for each other, desire to be with the other person continues.

Healthy relationships have less struggle and drama and more fun and peace. If a relationship is hard, that is you have to put in a monumental effort every day or if the same issues keep coming up despite repeated discussion, then it is time to reconsider the definition of love being used. If every day is an effort, then you are with the wrong person. Yes, it takes patience, understanding, and a willingness to overlook annoying habits of the other person, but seeing the big relationship picture is more important. The relationship needs to display a healthy overall pattern in order to tolerate the other stuff. Acceptance of one another is key.

Attracting and creating a healthy relationship with the right partner is based in how love is defined. The type of relationship that exists is the one that the individual is ready for. Very few relationships seem to satisfy the need for fulfillment, because of striving for the romantic ideal and being sorely disappointed. Instead of this approach, the definition of love comes from early parental/caregiver interactions that set the tone for all other relationships – in work, with friends, with family members and with lovers.

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About the Author

Diane Wing wants to live in a world where people feel inspired, create their ideal future, and experience a sense of wonder at everyday magic. As an author and perspective changer, she’s published five books – The True Nature of Energy: Transforming Anxiety into Tranquility, The True Nature of Tarot: Your Path to Personal Empowerment, Thorne Manor and Other Bizarre Tales, and Coven: The Scrolls of the Four Winds and the upcoming Trips to the Edge: Tales of the Unexpected all available now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, and iBooks. She is the founder of Wing Academy of Unfoldment and host of Wing Academy Radio. When it comes to getting unstuck and feeling great about life, her nine-word philosophy is: Let go. Be grateful. Stay open. See the magick. Find out more at www.DianeWing.com.