The Truth (and Untruth) about Mindfulness
How mindful are you of the reality of mindfulness?
What is the Reality of Mindfulness?
by Linda Bloom 
Mindfulness can provide a direct path to the experience that we desire. Those who believe that being mindful is blissful will inevitably be disappointed. Since being mindful is about being present with one’s experience, whatever that may be at any given moment, the range of possibilities of what can show up is infinite. Being complete isn’t necessarily synonymous with feeling right; it is merely about showing up and being at one with whatever is present in our field of experience now.
“Mindfulness is not something that is only done in the meditation hall; it is also done in the kitchen, in the garden, when we are on the telephone when we are driving a car when we are doing the dishes.” Thich Nhat Hanh
Mindfulness has become a popular subject. Time magazine, an icon of mainstream American culture, featured a cover article on mindfulness. According to the article, all kinds of people, particularly celebrities, are engaging in this practice with surprising results. “Surprising” perhaps for those who haven’t been practicing mindfulness, but not for those who have been.
What may be surprising is that mindfulness is not so much a form of meditation that one engages in with eyes closed and legs crossed on a zafu (pillow) once or twice a day, but it is a way of being in which we experience clear awareness of our moment-to-moment experience with a non-judging attitude. While to the uninitiated, this may seem simple; but simple isn’t necessarily easy.
Learning How to Stay Present
Since the mind tends to jump from one object of attention to another, we are subject to distractions. When this happens, we can feel fragmented and incomplete. What is missing is a sense of wholeness. Because we are not entirely present with our experience, there is a strong tendency to look for something or someone that will provide us with what we need to feel whole. When we experience a sense of wholeness, there is a feeling of being at one with the world, being at peace, lacking nothing, secure, connected to others and ourselves. When we don’t experience this, we may pursue money, attention, material objects, sensory pleasure, drugs, or anything else that we have concluded will provide an antidote to the distressing feelings of disconnection.
The practice of mindfulness can provide a direct path to the experience that we desire. Those who believe that being mindful is blissful will inevitably be disappointed. Since being mindful is about being present with one’s experience at any given moment, the range of possibilities of what can show up is infinite. Being complete isn’t necessarily synonymous with feeling good; it is simply about showing up and being at one with whatever is present in our field of experience now.
Mindfulness Can Enhance Connection to Self and Others
So what does all this have to do with relationships? In a nutshell, everything. Many of us seek partners out of a desire to find this sense of wholeness. The strong emotional activation that relationships provide is a powerful distraction from unpleasant feelings. Practicing mindfulness in the context of a relationship can enhance the quality of the connection. It neutralizes negative reactive patterns that diminish trust and intimacy, which enables partners to attend more consciously to each other’s needs. Mindfulness in our romantic partnership can be a central form of daily practice. When both partners can communicate their experience, this cycle of mutual reinforcement enhances the capacity for full engagement.
Mindfulness can be practiced in a wide variety of circumstances in our relationships. For example, it can mean sitting quietly, taking walks together, or practicing discernment by speaking only that which is true, useful, and respectful to each other, rather than indulging in unsolicited advice and criticism. It can involve setting aside time to catch up on essential concerns rather than practical ones, or by deliberately savoring a meal rather than rushing through it. By simply sitting mindfully and watching the unfolding flow of our experiences, we feel whole and connected. Simply interrupting our mind-chatter with a reminder to check in, and taking a couple of conscious breaths can provide effective relief from disturbing thoughts.
Taking the Challenge to Commit to Mindfulness Practice
Mindfulness is not an escape from responsibilities that require action, but rather it is a process that enables us to see clearly and act more efficiently. And for those of you who would like to practice mindfulness but feel that you don’t have enough time available to do it, consider this: His Holiness the Dalai Lama, spends four hours a day sitting in meditation. And he does not have an empty schedule. When something is important enough, to us, we manage to find time for it. Living mindfully doesn’t require us to sit in meditation or add anything to our already full lives. It is just a matter of practicing presence with that which that we are already doing. And paradoxically, doing so doesn’t mean getting less done, but just the opposite. Try it and see for yourself. It may be easier than you think!
You will also enjoy The ABCs of Spiritual Self-Awareness
About the Author
Linda Bloom L.C.S.W. has served as psychotherapist and seminar leader practicing relationship counseling almost forty years.
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