7 Assertive Qualities for Healthy Relationships
Developing these assertive traits will help you to grow your relationships.
Assertive Traits That Can Help You Build Healthy Relationships
Assertive people are not just born naturally, but they are developed. Of course, there are conditions in which the development of certain virtues or abilities is facilitated, but ultimately, we all must work to achieve more precise and constructive ways of being.
Assertiveness could be defined as the ability to relate to others in a sincere and uplifting way, thus constituting a bridge to interpersonal trust. We can also say it it is an attitude towards oneself and others that leads to maintaining the balance between rights and duties, while at the same time taking care of mutual respect, dignity and integrity.
It is much easier to theorize than to put into practice. Assertive people are the fruit of different processes and efforts that come together to achieve attitudinal balance. Finally, all this is part of this long path that leads us to learn to live. It is worth examining what these traits that can make us assertive and balanced human beings.
“Create boundaries. Honor your limits. Say no. Take a break. Let go. Stay grounded. Nurture your body. Love your vulnerability. And if all else fails, breathe deeply.”
? Aletheia Luna, Awakened Empath: The Ultimate Guide to Emotional, Psychological and Spiritual Healing
1. Assertive people know what respect is
The word respect is defined as the ability to value and treat something or someone with consideration. Confident people develop this ability. They apply it to themselves and especially to what is external to them, be they people, ideas, works or even animals.
Respect manifests itself in the first instance as a renunciation of violence. Ill-treatment is not an option under any circumstances. If there is contradiction or conflict, assertive people process it out of respect for themselves and for others.
This attitude of respect also manifests itself in the world of concepts, ideas, and ideologies. The field of beliefs and beliefs is not delimited, however, shared. Someone assertive understands that in all human beings and in their works, there is a value that cannot be neglected.
2. Assertiveness allows people to relate sincerely to others
Confident people attach importance to good relationships with others. They understand that these relations cannot be built on falsehood or hypocrisy. That’s why they show themselves as they are because Assertive people want others to know what they can have with them.
They try not to put themselves in uncomfortable positions in the long run, such as condescension. If they do not agree with something, they say it directly. Do not sacrifice your identity to avoid contradictions. For this reason, choose your friends carefully. If it is not born of their hearts to give their friendship to someone, they will not. They do not move for convenience, but out of conviction.
3. Assertive people know themselves, accept and appreciate themselves
Assertive people have self-confidence, but self-confidence is not born of a sense of Self- sufficiency or a sense of superiority. They trust in what they are, it is because they know each other; and if they know each other, it is because they observe, evaluate themselves and learn to have a constructive internal dialogue. This means that they assume themselves as people with correctness and error.
Self-knowledge leads to understanding. This, in turn, leads to acceptance and self-love. Assertiveness is precise to have humility enough to recognize itself as human and therefore imperfect.
4. Assertive people have self-control and emotional stability
Assertive people can create mechanisms to regulate their emotions. Thus, the attitude that predominates in them is that of serenity. They understand that we all feel and that feelings need to be addressed. It’s not that they do not feel anger, anguish or pain. They have merely learned that disarming the rudder of their lives from all controls leads to the wrong expression of those emotions that have so much energy.
This principle also applies to others. This means that they know how to understand the feelings of others and that they also find themselves in a state of tranquility. Those who are assertive do not put firewood on the fire or try to manipulate others by seeking their “failures” or weaknesses. They help others regain their center so that no situation completely escapes their control.
“The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is the way our words and behaviors affect the rights of others.”
-Sharon Anthony Bower-
5. Assertive people cultivate their communicative skills
It is no secret that most our problems are developed from poor skills in communicating. We often listen to respond, not to understand each other. Many difficulties are solved in the field of discussion and dialogue. What makes the exchange of opinions, so complex is that often the tools are not appropriately used to do it. There is a lack of sincerity, or there is merely no clarity about what one wants to say, or there is doubt as to the best way of expressing oneself.
Self-knowledge and reflection allow communication skills to be developed. This implies the ability to express, in a clear, sincere and straightforward way what is carried within. But it also involves being able to actively listen to what the other has to say. The truth is that assertive people know the value of communication and are willing to invest resources in improving their way of communicating.
6. Assertive people know when and how to draw limits
You cannot always have excellent relationships with others. Reality puts us in front of people who tend to abuse or harbor within them the desire to harm, in a kind of resentment with life. This creates tensions about which assertive people can say “enough”.
In the same way, not always the expectations or desires of others can be satisfied. This eventually gives way to the birth of guilts that sometimes invite us to pass over ourselves. In developing assertiveness, this does not happen: you can say “no” without the adverse generating internal discomfort.
7. Assertive people are emotionally independent
Those who are assertive also become capable of tolerating rejection and assimilating the indifference of others. They do not act for the approval of others, but to be consistent with their beliefs, beliefs, and needs. Like everyone in the world, assertive people prefer to be recognized by others. However, if this does not happen, you will not fall into the temptation to act against your own conscience. All these characteristics are unstable and unfinished; that is, we will not have fulfilled the aspiration to find people who are assertive in all their actions and words. Nothing in the human being is complete, in all dimensions we have a growth margin, and to take advantage of it, it is sufficient to try, increasingly, to be better and better.
A BILL OF ASSERTIVE RIGHTS
I: You have the right to judge your own behavior, thoughts, and emotions, and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon yourself.
II: You have the right to offer no reasons or excuses for justifying your behavior.
III: You have the right to judge if you are responsible for finding solutions to other people’s problems.
IV: You have the right to change your mind.
V: You have the right to make mistakes—and be responsible for them.
VI: You have the right to say, “I don’t know.”
VII: You have the right to be independent of the goodwill of others before coping with them.
VIII: You have the right to be illogical in making decisions.
IX: You have the right to say, “I don’t understand.”
X: You have the right to say, “I don’t care.”
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO, WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY”
? Manuel J. Smith, When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope – Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy
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