Are You Being Reactive or Proactive?

What if we take full responsibility for calming and taming the ways we react? What if we embrace our reactivity and cultivate a path to emotional sobriety?

Is Reactive or Proactive Your Go-To Response?

by Crystal Presence

Life is filled with a plethora of experiences that can stimulate our reactivity. Moments in response to what someone says are often our most regretted moments. We strive to stay calm and listen to what the other has to say, yet sometimes find ourselves reacting in ways that are sorry we did. We can choose to make a defensive comment, hold it back or be proactive with wise choices.

The world of chemistry tells us that the more stable the reactant, the less reactive it will be. The more stable the reactant, the slower it will react. Interestingly enough this is often a metaphor for many of our own reactions. What if we take full responsibility for calming and taming the ways we react? What if we embrace our reactivity and cultivate a path to emotional sobriety?

8 tips on how to tame our reactivity and maintain our proactivity

Cultivate the ability to maintain a state of release. Notice when our breathing is slow and constricted. Bring awareness into any places we are holding back and not fully present in our bodies. Breathe, sing, vibrate, dance, meditate and explore what other ways we can move, circulate and stabilize our energy. Explore that natural place where we are centered, connected and seeing more clearly.

Change beliefs about maintaining our ability to be present.  For example, the belief that we cannot help being reactive, we are victims of our own condition. Our new belief can be that we have the power to treat our reactivity like any other habit that we want to change. (1) Observe what triggers us. (2) Make a list of detail about the behaviors, thoughts, and feelings we have when we react. (3) Follow up by making a detailed list of healthy ways we can respond.

Breathe and take time out. Be willing to step out for a moment when we find ourselves becoming reactive. Breathe, relax and let go as we count to ten so we can use our better judgment of how to handle the situation. Breathe. Allow better ways of communicating, admit and apologize if needed be and move on.

Curiosity rather than quick conclusions.  Assume positive intent about the other person. Ask questions to make a reality check on our assumptions. Remember that we can misconstrue another person’s intentions. Ask the other person about their reasoning and listen to what they have to say. Explore the conversation open-heartedly, sharing our needs and validating the needs of the others, remembering that they are just as vulnerable as we are.

Ask ourselves what are we defending? Needing to right or wrong? Wanting to keep the upper hand? Needing to feel empowered? Our willingness to agree to disagree.

Be aware of how reactivity affects our health. Mario Martinez, pioneering neuropsychologist, shares scientific research about many ways that reactivity can take a big toll on our health.

Avoid unnecessary problems and complications. We always can choose to avoid getting involved in situations that we know will trigger us in the first place. Ask ourselves if we attract difficult people as a way to maintain our habit of suffering, resistance and feeling inadequate? Are we attracting the reflection of focusing on the problem, rather than resolution?  How are we using others to stay a victim of our own reactivity?

Along with all our best intentions, we can look for the humor in the human comedy of it all, trying to hold onto control while Source is offering us a plethora of opportunities to let go!

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About the Author

Crystal is a certified expansion guide with the Total Integration Institute. An author, multidimensional coach, and facilitator for the live event called Freedom at the Core. She is the instructor and coach for her online course, Freedom From the Inside Out.  She draws from her own experience and the experience of the thousands of people she has worked with over the past 35 years. Crystal is known for the fun and empowering way she supports people in bringing forth the experiences they want in their lives. Currently, she is writing a series of children’s books that embrace the principles of living freedom. www.crystalpresenceonline.com www.facebook.com/crystalpresenceonline