The Gifts of Pain
by Mary Cook, MA
The phrase “growing pains” suggests a paradoxical teaching from pain. We generally perceive pain as something to avoid, yet it is an unavoidable part of life. The more we wish to escape it, the more it grows. Whenever we can accept it and the lessons it brings, the greater gifts that follow.
Negative experiences give rise to feelings that usually demand greater attention than positive experiences, in an attempt to solicit healing and growth. Just as physical wounds bleed, and this prompts us to take appropriate action, problems and pain are meant to motivate us toward constructive measures. When we lack role models and understanding of how to accomplish this however, defenses are automatically generated to protect us from fully experiencing the negative energy.
Defense mechanisms diminish conscious awareness of pain and can work effectively in emergency and short term situations. Defenses used over a long time period however, have the opposite effect in increasing underlying pain, decreasing clarity that could lead to improvement or resolution, and creating new larger problems, until eventually, the defenses fail completely.
We live much of our lives based on the illusion that we know what we’re doing and where we are going. When problems and pain arise we might be so enamored of and deceived by this illusion, that we externalize all blame. This results in us and our lives constricting and rigidifying rather than expanding, deepening and maturing.
Alternatively, if we respond to pain as one of a multitude of messages in our life, and when there is no emergency, calmly contemplate the roots, dynamics and consequences of pain, we can arrive at acceptance, healing, solution or understanding that ultimately enriches us and our life as a whole.
The gifts of pain are many. Often our focus is fragmented, fear based and unexamined, which keeps us stuck in habits. Pain can elicit our undivided attention and break through the illusion of our beliefs. Pain has the power to push us past complacency and procrastination. It can humble us and inspire us to reach out for help. It can stimulate compassion and courage to honestly examine ourselves and create positive change. It can increase our sense of empathy and unity with others. Painful experiences give us gratitude for health, serenity, freedom and joy. Healthy responses to pain result in increasing inner strength, confidence, resiliency, resourcefulness, creativity, wisdom, maturity, faith, and the emergence of new talents and abilities.
Accepting pain as an integral and valuable part of growth allows us to see light and promise in darkness and despair. It allows birdsong and laughter to interrupt stress, or a child’s loving smile to interrupt physical pain. We can experience a deep sense of peace in circumstances of conflict, and a warm embrace in the midst of grief. We have faith that growing pains are guiding us to become the blessings we were always meant to be.
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WWW.MARYCOOKMA.COM Mary Cook is the author of “Grace Lost and Found: From Addictions and Compulsions to Satisfaction and Serenity”, available from Barnes & Noble, Amazon.com etc. She has 35 years of clinical practice and 29 years of university teaching experience. She is a national speaker and has a private practice in San Pedro, CA. Mary is available for telephone and office counseling, guided meditation, speaking engagements and in-service training. Contact her at MaryCookMA@att.net and see website for further information.
