The Power of the PAUSE
By Vedam Clementi
As a Life Coach, an outsider looking in, AND looking back at my own past situations, two of the worst repetitive patterns that I had and see people have, are taking things personally, and claiming the situation as being ‘serious.’ Sure, things happen, situations occur, misunderstandings take place, people say and react in the moment, etc, but taking things personally and seriously intensifies an already uneasy situation! So this leads me to a question; “WHO does the situation happen to, WHO is also reacting, WHO also has chosen to engage? And the question of ‘WHO’ could go on.
There is only one answer to these questions. It is the ego, it is the mind, it is just a fragment of the ego that is getting something it does not want, it is the conditioned self, it is the ‘victim’ in the story, it is the FALSE SELF. Are you going to sustain and maintain the existence of the false self, or are you going to remember who and what you are in truth?
From a coaching perspective, there are so many different points I would remind you to remember, including:
1) honor your feelings and be authentic
2) remember everything is temporary, so give it time and let it pass
3) stop adding sustaining chapters to the story of your victimhood, etc.
There is, however, one main point that I would emphasize. I would focus attention on helping you remember the truth of who and what you are, especially during a difficult situation.
Usually, as a Life Coach I hear about these types of situations after they have occurred; we talk about it after the fact. I remind them that nothing can be done to turn back time; therefore, we can talk about the next time something like this happens (and it surely, eventually will!). I remind them that situations are going to occur that you are not going to like or enjoy, but there are things that you can do and be to make it as easy as possible while you are going through it.
First things first. After any situation occurs, remember to p-a-u-s-e. Take as long as you would like in the pause, and while you are pausing, remember to breath full breaths. Also, while you are pausing, do your best to center yourself. Let the breath help you with this centering. Breath deep, full belly breathes. The more centered you are the better. The more centered you are, the less reactionary you are going to be. Be in that pause for as long as you would like.
Secondly, ask yourself, “What am I feeling?” Are you feeling fear, anger, or sadness? This is going to be a clue to the action that you may want to take.
Third, the mind is naturally going to want to create a story about what is happening. Stop participating with the story, and focus on the present moment ( while honoring, acknowledging what you are feeling, etc.), and get out of reaction mode and into response mode. How you are going to respond depends upon what you are feeling, what you are wanting in relation to the situation, and what is going to diffuse, neutralize or make the situation better for ALL involved.
So, you are in the pause. The pause is there to support you. It is time for you to remember some basic truths. Truths such as: everything is transient and will pass, it is only your ego, the false self that is having the issue, darkness cannot deny light, and s*#t happens. During the pause, you could ask yourself, “what part of me would I like to have show up relating to this situation?” Again, I remind you, take as long as you want in the pause to decide what action, if any, are you going to take.
Allow me to elaborate on what I mean by “what part of me would I like to have show up…” It is a choice to engage and react. It is a choice to live as the conditioned self. It is a choice to continue to be an old way of being. It is also a choice to respond in Awareness, in love, in compassion, in patience, and in an authentic response rather than a conditioned reaction. So choose, and choose consciously, purposefully, and intentionally. Be in the pause, and choose how you would like to be relating to the situation at hand. Would standing up for yourself in awareness be the new you? Would being understanding and forgiving be the new you? Would staying cool in the situation be the new you? Would seeing yourself as a courageous being be the new you? You get my point… “YOU GET TO CHOOSE!”
From past experiences, you already know how being reactionary escalates a situation. NOW, let’s do it another way; let’s be different the next time around. Let’s begin to channel new pathways in the mind, rather than following along with old conditioned pathways of the past. Let’s live up to your birthright as a Divine, Spiritual, Creative Beings. Let’s let the old patterns of egotistical victims, reactionary hotheads, and over-reactive divas fade away. It is time to be a new way. It is time to let our light shine. It is time to stand tall in the truth of who we truly are. It is time to be aware, and it is time to be conscious.
Take a moment to think about the people throughout time that you have admired, and how they have handled difficult situations. Do you think they avoided them, or do you think that they became so ‘enlightened’ that they no longer had those situations arise? Nope, didn’t happen. They knew the secret was in the pause. They knew who and what they truly were. They knew how to be authentic, and true to themselves without making the situation worse. They were so centered in themselves that they could stand tall in the face of apparent adversities. They were willing to take the risk of leaving the old conditioned patterns behind them and be a new and improved them. They let their light shine.
I am not asking you to emulate them, I am just asking you to look at their example. They were not emulating anyone; they were just being the best version of themselves they could be. That’s all I am asking of you; to be the best you, you can be, and sometimes that means being the best you can be even in the face of a difficult time.
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