I Don’t Want Happilly Ever After
I am wise enough to know that the root of this starts with me. I know that the reason I loved living in The Story was it gave me control and predictability. Of course it would be ok…every hero and heroine has to face adversity to find true love…if I hold on, if I wait, if I believe in true love…if I am good enough, if I am enough, it will follow the way all stories are supposed to go. The illusion will fall away, the magic will turn out right, and in the end it will all be ok. Except, it means I have never truly lived in my experience. The Magus tells me his fear is that I don’t truly see him. That I try to fit him into my story. I think that is a valid fear. We met under auspicious circumstances, and I have often retold the story as proof that there is some divine hand driving our relationship. I took comfort in a story told to me by a tarot reader that made sense of the things going on for me with Bhikku, and with the Magus. And when I could not figure out a way to get to my Happily Ever After, I have tried releasing both of them to find a new hero in my tale.
But in the end, all I am doing is denying my own experience, my own divine nature. I don’t need the story. I am the Goddess, the hero. I am the bliss and the sweetness in those stories. I am the depth of love I long for. I am all that I need. And so it is.
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