The Truth About Forgiveness
By Chessie Roberts
What is your idea of forgiveness? Is it you in all your glory coming down from on high to bestow your benevolence upon some poor slob who has offended you? Maybe it is you confronting the person and letting them know in no uncertain terms that you are the better person because you have decided, at great sacrifice to you, to forgive them. Perhaps you forgive them to shut them up and make them go away or to make the other person feel bad for ‘what they did’. None of these examples are forgiveness.
Truth is that forgiveness has nothing to do with the person you are forgiving (unless it is yourself) but has everything to do with you and who is in control of ‘you.’
What? You ask. Let’s break it down a bit. If you are emotionally invested in a situation, that situation is what is holding your power, your energy and your thoughts. That situation is draining your energy because it takes a great deal of energy to stay angry. You feel like a victim of the circumstance and like someone else is in control. It also is calling your attention to focus on it ( the unfairness of the situation etc.) rather than other, more important things. It is sort of like a lamp; when you plug it into the socket the connection causes the electricity to go to the light bulb. Let’s call the bulb your anger that sustains the grudge, the plug is where you choose to put your energy and the entire lamp is the person holds your energy. How do you get your power, you energy back? Just unplug from the situation. You take back your energy that has been making the situation stronger and you weaker and presto, the grudge disappears and the person you were angry with has no more control over your thoughts, feelings and actions. You can also look at it much like pushing a heavy rock, as long as you pay attention to it and exert your energy in pushing it the rock is in play, the rock being the incident or person that you are grinding on. What happens when you just walk away form the rock, what does it do then? If you happen to stop at the top of a hill, it might roll to the bottom unassisted by you but then it stops. Point being that without your participation and energy the thing will die of ennui.
Here is the neat part, that person, whoever they may be, doesn’t have to have any idea that you have forgiven them. Of course if it is a close friend and you want to keep the relationship alive, you would want to talk it over with them. If, however, it is someone whom you do not know or have no personal relationship with then chances are they are not aware that they hurt your feelings in the first place.
An exception to the offending party not realizing that damage was done, would be in the case of a crime having committed against you or someone you love. This type of offense was intended and is a bit harder to forgive but it can be done. The result is that you will be the better for having let go of the incident. Once you claim ‘you’ and take back what is rightfully yours, you stop feeling like a victim and begin to become your own power-filled self that you were born to be. When you start to heal and you become able to help both yourself and others do the same thing.
In a workshop I was asked to do with some inmates in a federal prison, their repeated and primary excuse for their heinous behavior was that something bad had been done to them when they were younger so they now had no control over what they did to others. I will tell you now what I told them then; nothing can happen to you that is so terrible that truly forgiving the other person and yourself will not make better. To heal from anything, you must begin by forgiving. Forgiving the other person, the situation, and yourself. Things happen and we make bad choices but if we learn from them, forgive and move forward, we will grow and persevere.
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Chessie Roberts is a Singer/song Writer, Spiritual Teacher, Mind-set Mentor, Meditation Coach, Author, Lecturer and the Founder/Creator of Evolution of Self; Journey into Body, Mind, Spirit Balance. Her experience with severe,crippling arthritis was her catalyst to share her healing, experiential, self improvement program with those who wish to rediscover their balance of Body, Mind, Spirit. Her ability to put things into an easy to learn package allows participants to fine tune their healing intentions, identify personal goals and clarify the path they wish to devise in order to heal themselves and grow into their own Spiritual Evolution. You can find Chessie’s programs and products at www.evolutionofselfforme.com http://croberts1.zeropointglobal.com and her music at www.archersmeadow.com.
