An Evidence-Based Path to Greater Well-being

by Larry Berkelhammer, PhD

For well over a century, people unhappy with life have gravitated to psychotherapists. Yet new research demonstrates that unless psychotherapists guide clients toward adopting healthier behaviors, they can spend years or even decades in therapy with little to show for it except a better understanding of the workings of their minds. Although they may emerge from psychotherapy with greater insight, they probably won’t enjoy life any more than they did before they started. The suggested behaviors I share with you here are proven, effective complements to traditional talk therapy. Studies by research psychologists and epidemiologists have shown that practicing these behaviors truly leads to a fuller and more rewarding life.

In recent years a class of evidence-based psychotherapies, known as the third wave behavioral therapies, has evolved that focuses on behavioral change in a new way, one that empowers clients to become proactive and to take charge of their lives. Possibly the best example of these is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). ACT is about learning how to live more fully in the present by cultivating the skills that allow you to disentangle from thoughts about the past and future.

ACT bypasses the struggle to change dysfunctional beliefs—long an aim of cognitive behavioral psychotherapy (CBT)—and instead teaches you how to remain unaffected by them. ACT is particularly known for its ability to help people identify and pursue their personal life values, leading to a newfound sense of meaning and purpose.

ACT therapists stand on the shoulders of leading teachers of mindfulness as well as the existential therapists. The synthesis of the two fields puts ACT at the forefront of the third wave. Several new ACT workbooks for lay people offer exercises and practices that any motivated person can adopt (see Suggested Reading at the end of this article). And in some cases, the workbooks can be followed without any therapy at all. However, it is important to understand that to create meaningful improvement in your life, you must have the energy and motivation to make difficult behavioral changes, and this is equally true whether working with a therapist or a workbook.

Psychologists researching the field of happiness, including Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, Dr. Ed Diener, Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, Dr. Martin Seligman, and others, have discovered that happy people behave in very different ways from depressed people. Further, they have shown that when people adopt the behaviors of those who live with a deep sense of well-being—making full contact with the present moment and pursuing their most deeply held personal life values—even those who have rarely experienced such a level of well-being before are able to achieve it more readily.

Recommended Daily Practices

• Practice mindfulness meditation to cultivate the skill of letting go of negative self-talk and other unhealthy thought patterns. Mindfulness allows you to recognize your thoughts as nothing more than mental constructs or passing brain phenomena.

• Schedule at least a few minutes of contact with a friend.

• Engage in activity that adds meaning and purpose to your life—something that makes you excited to get up in the morning and feel good about yourself. This could be something as simple as spending a half hour in your garden or engaging in any hobby you enjoy.

• Learn to automatically gravitate to behaviors that add the greatest aliveness to your life. For example, if you feel most alive when you’re with friends, schedule more of those opportunities into your days. If you feel most alive when you’re alone in nature, make time for it.

• Look for opportunities to help other people. This can take the form of volunteer work, or even something as simple as holding open a door or carrying a package for someone. Notice how good it makes you feel about yourself.

• Consciously practice feeling gratitude for the people in your life. Interestingly, it’s not necessary to express it to them—all you need to do is feel it.

• Cultivate new interests and learn new things. Register for an online or in-person class in a subject about which you’ve had some curiosity.

• Consciously choose everything you do. Every time you find yourself using terms like have to, should, or shouldn’t, change your language to choose to or choose not to. This is a powerful mindfulness practice to build self-efficacy, mastery, and well-being.

• Learn to treat yourself with the same compassion and forgiveness that you would extend to a small child.

• Adopt the mindfulness practice of going through the day looking for reasons to feel grateful. Most of us focus on what’s going wrong; the reverse is much healthier.

The Need for Support Notice that these recommendations are all fairly straightforward. The real challenge lies in practicing them daily. To maintain your intention, you need a source of daily support. Ideally, you can find someone who is equally committed to maintaining these same practices, and the two of you can act as each other’s cheerleaders and coaches. Other possibilities include working with a life coach or an ACT psychotherapist, or reading books and attending workshops on ACT, positive psychology, and happiness that are geared toward lay people.

Whatever avenue you choose to make sure you engage in these practices daily, rest assured that the rewards are great. You will see positive results, some of which you will experience almost immediately and some that will build over time. The research is conclusive, and it places your well-being and happiness squarely in your own hands.

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Suggested Reading
Hayes, S. Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, 2006. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.
Dahl, J. and Lundgren, T. Living Beyond Your Pain: Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to Ease Chronic Pain, 2006. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.
Strosahl, K. and Robinson, P. The Mindfulness & Acceptance Workbook for Depression, 2008. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.
Forsyth, J. and Eifert, G. The Mindfulness & Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety, 2007. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.
Harris, R. The Reality Slap: Finding Peace and Fulfillment When Life Hurts, 2012. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.