Grasping and Healing
Ignoring our spots, leads to rifts in our authenticity and our sense that the world is a safe place. I encourage you to go courageously into the work of the grasping behaviors. In the case of my shirt, I finally had to apply strong and direct attention right on the spot. I literally painted the bleach just within the boundaries of that stain. Similarly, you have an opportunity to focus your attention directly on some of the peskiest, most destructive behaviors in the human realm. The only approach I know for addressing them is to liberally apply the “bleach” of mindfulness to each one, to give it its due, to not shrink back from utilizing the strongest cleanser available: love. Thich Nhat Hanh’s instructs us to cradle our hurts and our own behaviors as you would a precious newborn. They are part of who you are. They are here as your teachers.
The two grasping behaviors especially resistant to “treatment” are resentment and miserliness. These behaviors do not usually make the top 10 self-help lists. In my conversations with people about the grasping behaviors, these are the two least-claimed activities. We know being angry is okay, but holding resentment feels a little less “nice.” What kinds of people hold resentment? All kinds of people. All people. It is a natural artifact of our inner child’s need for self-protection. Each one of us will have a resentment spot or two to deal with.
What about the grasping behavior of miserliness? Where does miserliness show up in my life? When I think of miserliness I imagine old man Scrooge in his nightgown shivering in the snow of Christmas Future. At first, I was going to pair isolation with the Fifth Tibetan. But the more I pondered the main players of disconnection in my own life, the more miserliness came to the forefront. Resentment and miserliness are close companions. Withholding ourselves, our love, our money, our compassion, our forgiveness. A little here and a little there; sooner or later it will create noticeable tension in our lives and relationships.
