When is a Good Time to Start Dating After Divorce?

If you start immediately dating after divorce, or during one, particularly an angry one, then that anger is going to follow you out into the dating world.

Dating After A Divorce

By Rev Marcy Ellen

It is a common tendency for people who are newly divorced to want to hurl themselves into dating and another relationship. So many factors are at work and the ego will use all of them to convince us that our current situation is unfavorable and should be resisted at all cost. It uses fear to get us to do anything but to accept our present situation at hand. Instead of dealing with the aftermath of the divorce, instead of facing our somewhat hidden and repressed feelings of fear, guilt, anger, sadness, etc., and working through them, we thrust ourselves into another relationship in order to mask our pain. This is essentially just another form of denial. The problem with this is that if we begin the dating process with all the same emotions present in our energy field then the people we attract will also be operating with those same kinds of emotions. In order to attract someone who is healed or healthy emotionally we must first, in fact, become healed and healthy before plunging ourselves into the dating scene.

If you begin dating and simultaneously while you are going through the process you are experiencing bitter verbal exchanges with your ex-husband or ex-wife then that anger that you are giving and receiving will be the attracting energy force that you will be putting out into the dating world. You may not realize it but unless you have dealt with the feelings of anger and let them go that anger will continue to linger in your energy body. The Law of Attraction states that like attracts like. If you are in a negative emotional state then you will attract someone who is also in a negative emotional state. If you are consumed with fear then you will attract someone who is also consumed with fear. It is much healthier to heal ourselves and get back to a neutral place energetically before attempting to attract a mate. If you have no current conflicts or grievances with anyone in your life then that is a clear sign that you have healed and are living a life of peace. That is a state of neutrality and it is the green light to go ahead and begin attracting new relationships.

Think of your energy field as an Etch-A-Sketch. If you don’t remember these nostalgic toys they were basically art easels that had magic screens and every time you finished with your drawing you just had to shake it and your whole creation was erased. You turned a knob to draw on it and with a couple shakes the magic screen was totally wiped clean. That is how it is with our thoughts and emotions. If you have a messy breakup or a messy divorce you can imagine what your energy field will look like. Every negative thought or emotion you ever had and felt throughout the duration of that relationship would be like a turn of the knob on the Etch-A-Sketch. If you immediately begin dating after a divorce and jump into a relationship without giving yourself time to heal first it would be like continuing to draw pictures on top of pictures without ever shaking the magic screen to clear it and get it back to a blank or neutral screen.

Shaking or clearing the slate from which you create life is crucial when it comes to creating healthy and whole relationships. So often you see people reproducing the same situations in their lives and they don’t really understand how or why they keep finding themselves in those very same scenarios. The fact of the matter is that energy is just attracting other energy that is similar to it. Getting to a place of neutrality is so important if you want to change the course of your romantic life.

So how do we get to this place of neutrality? How do we shake up and clear the Etch-A-Sketch so that we can begin creating a beautiful new picture that will actually serve us? One of the best ways to let go or clear an old emotion is to let it surface or to face and accept it. As emotions come to the surface and we recognize them and feel them they begin to lose their power over us. They naturally begin to dissipate and we can begin the process of releasing them. It is impossible to overcome or forgive a grievance if the emotions about that grievance are buried deep within the psyche and the emotional or energy body. It must first surface. Fear especially is one that until faced fully will always linger somewhere within.

Meditation is the greatest tool or playground if you will, for delving into those emotions and finally releasing them. What you can accomplish in that state is nothing short of miraculous. Anger can be seen, felt, and let go through a process of forgiveness. Fear can be let go through walking through or living out virtual experiences that you have anxiety about. But the key is always that the only way out is through. It may take time to let go of all of these negative emotions and get to a place of neutrality but that’s okay. Time is just and illusion. It is far better to take an extra six months or a year of your life to set the right course rather than to travel down another course with no navigation only to find that once again you need to turn back and start all over.

Give yourself the time and love that you need to heal and become whole. Nothing is more important than your own emotional and spiritual well-being. Decide what you want to attract and then become that. If you want to attract peace and harmony into your life then you must first create peace and harmony within yourself. Every divorce or break-up should be followed by a dating moratorium or a sabbatical whereby the people involved just take time to focus on healing themselves. When the time is right to begin the dating process you will know. You will feel at peace with the process and you will have an inner knowingness that you are ready to move forward. Until then it is okay to be stationary for a while. Everything is created out of stillness, emptiness, and voids. You must let go of yesterday’s creations and shake clean your Etch-A-Sketch before beginning again. Always remember that you can start over as many times as you want in this life. That is the most beautiful part about the magic screen or our energy field. Energy is always changing and so no matter what you have been through, you as much as anyone else in the world, have the miraculous ability to heal yourself and become whole yet again.

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About the Author

Rev. Marcy Ellen is the author of The Soul Truth; Reflections for the Waking Soul. She is a spiritual channel, energy healer, Reiki Master, and radio host with a Master of Divinity Degree from the University of Metaphysical Sciences. www.revmarcyellen.com