Managing Conflict with Others in Real-Life Situations
By Shelly Wilson
According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, conflict is defined as a “competitive or opposing action of incompatibles” or “a mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or internal demands.” It is inevitable that conflict will occur and even the most competent, intelligent, ethical people will disagree from time to time.
Conflicts are typically about the topic being discussed or the actual process of how to obtain the desired result. Conflicts can also arise from relational issues . These disputes center on how parties want to be treated by one another. Ego or identity issues appear when others communicate in face-threatening ways since the term face describes the identity each of us strives to present. It is important to note that most disputes involve a combination of these issues.
Once the conflict issue is identified, the decision of how to respond must be made. Avoiding the conflict or confrontation is sometimes a wise choice, but it’s better to deal with the situation as it comes up. Accommodating is a way of preserving peace while competing has the opposite effect. This approach is based on the assumption that the only way for one party to reach its goals is to overcome the other. Collaborating involves working together to resolve conflicts and compromising requires that each party sacrifices something he or she is seeking to gain an agreement. The following examples of real-life situations will assist in clarifying these types of conflicts and will provide possible solutions.
Situational Conflict Example A
A landlord and tenant disagree about who should pay for an obviously necessary paint job for the office space. I think that this conflict is based on the topic at hand or who should pay. The landlord probably feels that the tenant should pay since he is occupying the space, but that is exactly why the landlord should pay. The tenant is paying rent and the space needs to be painted. A possible solution would be to compromise. The tenant could do the painting and the landlord could pay for the paint or allow the price of it to be deducted from the rent. The tenant would even appreciate being compensated a reasonable amount for doing the painting in order to save the landlord money.
Situational Conflict Example B
Two co-workers contributed equally to developing a proposal for an important client. They both want to be the one who delivers the final proposal. While this conflict initially appears to be about the process of delivering the proposal, I feel that it also evokes ego or identity issues. The best approach would be to negotiate or discuss specific proposals to find a mutually acceptable agreement. Since they contributed equally to developing the proposal, they should also collaborate as well during the delivery. Perhaps they can take turns presenting the proposal to the client and both egos will be satisfied.
Situational Conflict Example C
A sales manager and sales representatives disagree over the quota necessary to earn bonuses. This conflict elicits relational issues in terms of management and subordinates and also the obvious topic of pay. The manager more than likely wants to make the quota high to avoid paying bonuses. The representatives feel like the quota needs to be more realistic, They depend on the bonuses as part of their compensation. The optimum solution would be to consider compromising and consider different quota levels to attain specific bonuses.
Situational Conflict Example D
In a company with limited resources to spend on a new project, the marketing manager wants more money to be spent on advertising, while the product development manager wants a greater budget for researching product lines. Once again, this conflict is obviously about spending the limited resources which would be the topic at hand yet also concerns the process of how to spend it. The most viable solution would involve having both managers communicate their specific reasoning for additional funding using low-level abstractions or highly specific statements. A budget compromise could be reached or a competitive approach could be used if one of the manager’s reasoning proves to be superior.
Although these scenarios are primarily business related, applying these examples to your own real-life situations will assist you in discovering if the right choice for you is to attempt to avoid the conflict altogether or choose to accommodate, compete, collaborate or compromise. In conclusion, it is a certainty that conflict will inevitably occur at times. The problem isn’t conflict itself, but rather the way in which it is handled. Managing conflict and utilizing the appropriate solution will help to achieve the desired results.
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About Shelly Intuitive Medium, Reiki Master and Spiritual Teacher Shelly Wilson would love to assist you on your spiritual journey. With respect, truth, integrity and love, Shelly honors your free will and recognizes that you are co-creating your reality with the Universe. She offers private readings, intuitive coaching, Reiki sessions, and teaches workshops. Shelly’s book, 28 Days to a New YOU, is now available. Her courses, Stop Existing and Start Living! and Opening Your Heart to Love are available through the DailyOM. Shelly has a BS in Business with a minor in Psychology.
