Reaching Out from Loneliness
Recently while doing my weekly radio show Spirit Connections, a caller was telling me how lonely she’d been lately and her call clearly touched many of my listeners, who could relate to her situation. How often have you found yourself sitting at home all alone on a Friday night after a hectic work week? The phone’s not exactly ringing with invitations for dinner, or offers to go for a walk in the country, or to take in a movie. It’s easy to slip into that familiar empty space of loneliness. But it’s important that you refuse to give into it so it doesn’t envelope you. If this typical scenario resonates with you, then I urge you to ask yourself this all important and essential question: “What am I going to do about it?”
I’m blessed in the work that I do, as I get to travel all over the world, meeting thousands of wonderful people at my lectures and demonstrations. Yet, I’m acutely aware how easy it is to feel lonely. You can lead the busiest life and still be lonely. It doesn’t just afflict those who have too much time on their hands. Many of my friends think my life of traveling might seem romantic and exciting, but it can be a bit lonely at times when you’re constantly away from home. Everyone feels lonely at some point or another during their lifetime, and it’s a universal emotion that doesn’t need translation, doesn’t affect just the wealthy or the poor, has no ethnic boundaries – it’s just a condition. We not only feel it on a personal and emotional level, but we feel it deep within our soul. We all need human contact and companionship, to be touched, to be held, to laugh, and to share our feelings, so it’s important to reach out to others. Its part of how we evolve, learn, grow, and mature as a human as well as a soul.
There are so many different forms of loneliness that can cause pain. If you’re alone, it may be self-imposed or the result of any number of reasons. Every reason will be totally individual, and each solution will be equally unique. If you’re suffering from loneliness, then I urge you to do something about it now before it has a more profound and lasting effect on your well-being. Take action today and as hard as it might seem, reach out to others. When you spend time being lonely and don’t invest time in doing anything about it, you risk falling into a mind-set where you end up focusing on the negative or worse still, you start beating yourself up as though somehow you deserve to be lonely. Equally, you can fall into a trap of blaming others for your loneliness. Don’t relive the past over and over again in your mind, as this is precisely why you’ll attract what you’re trying so hard to avoid. There may be some emotional healing required before you begin to feel good about yourself, or if you’ve been let down or hurt in a personal relationship, you may need to learn to trust people again. If you’re not used to being alone, you may need to learn coping skills so that you enjoy being alone – in other words, being at peace with your own company. There’s so much support out there, so don’t suffer alone. I encourage you to reach out and ask for help. If you don’t identify what may be causing your loneliness, it’s easy to fill the void with less-healthy remedies, such as drugs, alcohol, bad relationships, or just working all hours. None of these solve the problem – they’re only a temporary fix instead of a more permanent solution.
I’m a big advocate of support groups for like-minded people, where everyone shares in each other’s story. The love from a small group can be amazing, whether you’re lonely because you lost your spouse or you’ve been through a painful separation. We are all connected in this universe, and as a soul, we feel each other’s pain. God put us here to share and be with each other, as well as to help one another. Remember this goes back to serving your soul purpose of being all that you can be and helping humanity in a positive way.
Here are some ideas to help you with loneliness
** Journal out your feelings **
Journaling is a great way to get all those inner feelings of being lonely, fearful, angry, or sad out into the open. Just remember, it’s your journal with your feelings, so feel free to write whatever you want, without inhibition or restriction, no matter how much you may have suppressed them in the past. When you journal out your feelings by putting pen to paper, you may see a pattern forming in your life, enabling you to take control and do something about it. Journaling provides you with an opportunity to take a critical view of your own behavior, the causes of your own loneliness, or how you react to others in a way that may push them away. Yes, I know this is emotive stuff, and for many of us, can be hard to bring to the surface. When you write down your most intimate thoughts, you’ll also be creating a wonderful resource for the future. Over time, you’ll be able to use your journals like an encyclopedia, so that when a situation arises, you’ll be able to take the best advice and guidance – in this case your own. Your journals will become a record of all the accomplishments and progress you’ve made. You can even write down particular blessings that are pertinent at the time or what you’re grateful for. When you’re thankful for what you have, you create more abundance in other areas of your life. Journaling is a way to reach deep inside yourself; a place where someone else may never reach, a place where you have the space to talk to your soul. It’s always listening.
** Do something totally different that you’ve not done before **
Break out of your day-to-day routine, and stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone. No matter how safe it might feel to remain exactly where you are, it’s important to occasionally stretch yourself. It could be a meditation class or prayer group, salsa dance lessons, joining a book club, an art class, or even a pottery workshop. The most important aspect of this is the doing – and by doing you’re taking the first step. Once, I took a cooking class at a local kitchen store just as a way of meeting some new people. Not only did I laugh, meet some really interesting and diverse people, I also had a great time and learned how to cook a new dish! OK, I’m never going to be a gourmet chef, but it didn’t matter, as it was more about that I did it. So many people say: “But I hate going to those things alone!” or “How is taking a class going to help me?” When I went to this cooking class, everyone came by themselves. If you’re nervous about going somewhere alone, stop and affirm to yourself: “Wherever I go, there will be friends there.” It really works and takes the edge off those feelings of nervousness. You never know what’s going to happen or whom you’re going to meet and become friends with. Once again, it’s a way of reaching out. At least you’re taking the first steps to do something about it.
** Volunteer your time **
Nothing makes you feel better than when you help others. The benefits work both ways, having a positive effect on you as well. I’m constantly in awe of people who freely volunteer their time. They seem to have ample amounts of compassion toward others, as well as such tolerant and patient natures. When you volunteer your time, you develop a deeper understanding of the world and the benefits can be wide ranging, from enhanced interpersonal skills to improved coping skills. I friend just spent some of his Christmas holiday working at the local soup kitchen serving lunch for the homeless. He said it was a humbling experience, and clearly touched his soul. Animals also need our attention. Local animal shelters usually don’t have a lot of money and need people to help out with the animals. Equally, volunteers who work in hospices (particularly those for children) are the unsung heroes in my opinion. They admit that the spiritual and emotional compensation totally outweighs the care time they devote. Volunteers are the heart and soul of our society. I’m blessed with the opportunity to speak to thousands at my lectures, and I’m often heard to say: “When you volunteer your time, you get bonus karma points in your favor!”
These are just a few suggestions. No matter what you do or how you work on your loneliness, the point is that you’re doing something, as long as your moving in the right direction toward healing, liking yourself, trusting others, and learning to live a full life. No one else is responsible for your happiness, as it’s really up to you. When you begin to move beyond aloneness and understand that you’re always connected to your soul, which in turn is connected directly to God, the Divine Source, you’ll soon discover that you’re never really alone, but in fact, you’re connected to the whole universe and everything in it.
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About the Author
John Holland is an American artist, best-selling author, spiritual teacher, and public speaker, who describes himself as a psychic medium. johnholland.com
