3 Reasons to Embrace Being Ordinary
In my work as a Jungian analyst and shamanic practitioner, I have often encountered people who highly value being “special.” They don’t want to be just another face in the crowd, soccer mom, or “regular Joe.” They fear not having the talents or qualities that would make them feel and be seen as “special.”
We have many ways of expressing being ordinary—some positive, and some negative. When we fear being “bland” or “vanilla” or “a nobody,” what we’re really saying is “I want to be seen as different in a positive way.” The truth is that all of us are different in some way. We each have a unique blend of qualities, a way of expressing ourselves that is different from how others express themselves, and a personality that is one of a kind. Even identical twins are different from each other. What if instead of striving to be “special” we embraced the idea of being ordinary in a way that made us feel good about ourselves and our circumstances? What if ordinariness was the key to ending stressful situations that we long to change?
In Jungian psychology, an archetype is a pattern or recurrent motif that has both positive and negative aspects. We often refer to the negative aspects as “shadow qualities” because we hide them from the light of the conscious mind out of embarrassment or shame. However, when we observe and work with those qualities, we discover they aren’t necessarily negative. If we look at what it means to be ordinary, or an everyman, we can start to reclaim the qualities of the archetypal energy of ordinariness in ways that enhance our lives. Here are three reasons to allow yourself to be ordinary and reject “specialness.”
[dropcap size=small]1.[/dropcap] You can become the wise, witty, and poetic observer of the ordinary. Jerry Seinfeld’s humor is based on being an ordinary fellow who sees the humor in everyday experiences we all share. You don’t have to be a professional comedian to use your ability to look at the ordinary and find the humor—or the beauty—in it. You may discover your ability to philosophize, write poetry, create art, or otherwise express yourself when you choose to accept what is special about your ordinary experiences from parenting to observing sunsets.
[dropcap size=small]2.[/dropcap] You can let go of the belief that the only way you’ll receive others’ love and approval is to earn it. In embracing your ordinariness and reengaging with friends and loved ones, you can be reminded that you don’t have to earn their love and approval by being special. Your friends are drawn to you for what they see as special, which may be some very ordinary qualities such as loyalty, generosity, and kindness. Your loved ones love you whether or not you’re special. It is easier to remember the loving support you have in your life when you’re not focused on proving how special you are and trying to win attention and accolades.
[dropcap size=small]3.[/dropcap] You can reduce conflict in your life. Instead of competing with others to prove you’re better than the rest, you can change competitive relationships into collaborative ones. Conflict with key people in your life can be reduced, and you can benefit from what they bring to the situation. For example, instead of competing with your ex to be the best parent, you can simply be an ordinary, loving parent and enjoy parenting your children. That way, you can free yourself from the pressure of having to one up your ex by providing more gifts, treats, and special events because you want to be seen as an “extra special” parent.
Accept your ordinariness and explore what you have to learn from it. It may have a lesson for you about what makes you special—and how much more pleasurable and peaceful your life is when you aren’t fighting against the every man within you.
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About the Author
Carl Greer, Ph.D., PsyD, is a practicing clinical psychologist, Jungian analyst and shamanic practitioner and the author of the multiple-award-winning books Change Your Story, Change Your Life and Change the Story of Your Health. He teaches at the C.G. Jung Institute of Chicago and is on staff at the Replogle Center for Counseling and Well-Being. Learn more at www.CarlGreer.com
