Full Moon in Taurus: Digging Out the Muckiest of the Muck
Though I am brought to wracking sobs, feeling like I was taken to the mat and a large saber run through my heart, I know enough to know that if this is happening in my life it is about me. And because Saturn in Scorpio demands that all buried crap be brought up, scrutinized, and all that is no longer appropriate be discarded, I must look at my own part in all of this and stop the madness as best as I can. And I am doing just that.
Do I stop having needs? Of course not! It’s taken me a lifetime to admit to actually having needs. Having needs is normal and human. The adjustment I need to make is to look realistically at how I am asking to have my needs met and from whom. I see that I continue to ask from someone or someones who do not wish to be in that type of relationship with me (The old unavailable Daddy scenario typical of a Capricorn rising like myself). I then can adjust to being in a healthier level of relationship with those persons, if I choose to (which I do), aware of what also works for them AND seek out relationships with those who are willing and able to satisfy my needs (and of course I am talking about needs that realistically can only come from another person- like conversation and emotional connection and caring) – the underlying theme being that I don’t have to continue to set myself up for wanting something I cannot have, opening myself up to having what I need in healthier, more appropriate ways.
Sounds good. VERY hard to do. Excrutiatingly hard. Why so hard, so painful? Because these patterns have been ingrained, working for many, many unsatisfactory years. And the more stuck the pattern, the more painful seems to be the release.
Saturn always dishes up your hardest lessons. But don’t shy away from them because once you learn what you need to learn, painful as the realization is bound to be, you get to graduate, to evolve, and to leave that old story behind you once and for all. What a welcome relief THAT will be!
