Grief and the Forgotten Art of Saying Goodbye
Grief can be a process of inner growth.
Grief and the Laws of Suffering
No one taught us to understand the laws of suffering or how to face the demanding situations caused by sudden grief. What usually happens is that the pain of losing someone we love comes almost always in an unexpected way, which means that something can surprisingly brake inside our hearts.
To deal with this learning curve can be the most challenging process we may have to deal with during our lifetime.
No one is immune to losses; mourning is something we will all suffer at some point: losing a family member, breaking an active relationship, or the simple fact of maturing involves going through different levels of suffering.
The complicated thing about each of these forms of mourning is that none of us get along well with suffering. We do not know how to administer it, it overflows us and sometimes even destroys us.
Why and How to do this? Is there perhaps a magic formula that makes us immune to separation, emptiness, the unfathomable abyss of that hand we no longer hold?
Not at all. As experts explain, each person will have to find his way to face their mourning process, where to find relief, integrity, and ability to stand up again.
The importance of knowing oneself vulnerable
Emotional maturity is to know how to advance through losses, to cultivate detachment and in a way, to conceive difficulties as learning experiences.
It’s difficult; we know that. One can read many things about sadness, can even respond to what a therapist tells you, what your friends or relatives ask you, in order to convey support. However, whatever the level of suffering, any loss is a challenge that one must face alone.
No one will cry for us; no one will rearrange our thoughts a feeling and relieve our pain. It is a task of ours that requires time, and which requires above all, to understand that we are not as strong as we thought. That we are as vulnerable as a feather carried by the wind.
Is it bad? Is vulnerability a bad thing?
By no means is our true strength in our vulnerability.
Stop for a moment to think about this: if you resist, if you refuse to acknowledge that you feel hurt, that your life has just been broken and that you feel pain, you will raise the wall of denial before you. How do you tackle something you do not recognize exist? Why refuse to mourn the loss, to accept that you feel vulnerable?
Recognizing that we are vulnerable allows us to be flexible and able to adapt, because grief, after all, is nothing more than an adaptive response to what is realized through suffering, through the pain.
Pain and the Art of Let Go
It may be that speaking of mourning as a form of “art” causes you some concern. Maybe it’s because we prefer to concentrate our lives only on pleasant, comforting, and positive things. That is good, no doubt, but the pleasure of life has, in turn, a share of suffering to which almost no one is immune.
However, we must clarify an important point. When it comes to talking about grief, we always think of physical loss in death. However, with a relationship affection or emotional mourning, for a love that we had to renounce or that left us, and even the simple act of maturing as a person, of taking on new values, abandoning thought schemes to develop others. These can evoke the feelings of mourning.
A process of inner growth where we also overcome personal sufferings and identity, sometimes happen in a quite deep manner. Something without a doubt, the process is enriching and necessary. Yet, they are processes that always involve certain fears, because any change implies an implicit loss and even a feeling of loneliness or emptiness.
“Happiness is beneficial to the body, but suffering develops the powers of the mind.” ~Marcel Proust
We must realize that life is not a serene walk, where happiness is always guaranteed. Life sometimes hurts, and we must accept frustration, loss, and mourning. Because they are all resources and ways to necessary wisdom.
Article adapted from Valeria Sabater from the site La Mente es Maravillosa
You will also enjoy The Meaning of True Redemption and Transitioning from Life to Death
About the Author
Cathedral of the Soul intends to undertake the challenge of creating a multidimensional healing space that is dedicated to those who seek to enrich, enlighten and heal themselves while serving and assisting in the healing of others. Cathedral of the Soul is one of the many spiritual outreaches of Humanity Healing International, a registered 501C3 nonprofit with Church status. https://cathedralofthesoul.org
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