Top 10 Toxic People to Avoid at All Costs
Do you know how to identify the toxic people in your life?
Top 10 Types of Toxic People
It’s easy to waste a lot of time and energy trying to deal with certain types of people. These troublesome individuals create conflict and turmoil, but it’s not inevitable that you should get stuck in difficult, unsatisfying relationships. Children often have no choice about who they associate with, but adults do have a choice. Here are the 10 personality types, or toxic people, to avoid:
List of Top 10 Toxic People
1The “Volcano.” This person carries around a lot of anger just under the surface. Sooner or later the volcano is going to blow, spewing hot lava all over you. Their rage is always out of proportion to what’s happening to them. You’ll end up walking around on eggshells when what you need to do is just walk away.
2. The “Charmer,” otherwise known as a sociopath. This type of person might appear attractive and know all the right things to say, but their whole reason for being is to con their way into getting what they want. They lie with a smile on their face. They cheat, steal, manipulate and exploit. They break as many rules as they think they can get away with, all with great finesse and without a drop of remorse.
3. The “Narcissist.” This person values themselves over everyone else. Initially, they might appear nice, but eventually, you’ll realize that their needs and feelings are the only ones that matter. They’ll let you down when you need their support and turn on you angrily if you inadvertently get in the way of their needs being met.
4. The “Drama Queen.” This character needs to be the center of attention or to create a crisis everywhere they go. Either they’re in trouble and demand to be rescued or they make problems for the people in their lives. They’ll often pit one person against the other and then sit back and enjoy the show.
5. The “Cynic.” This angry, bitter individual sees the bad in everything, but their attitude is really just a psychological defense against feelings of vulnerability. They’ve unconsciously decided that negativity and pessimism will prevent them from getting hurt. The problem is, their rotten attitude is hurtful to everyone else.
6. The “Complainer.” This individual blames everyone else for what’s going wrong in their life. Because they refuse to be accountable for the consequences of their choices, they keep repeating the same mistakes ad infinitum, accusing those around them of causing all their suffering.
7. The “Boor.” This is a pretentious name-dropper and social climber who see you as a rung on their ladder to success. They’ll stop at nothing to have the money, power and status they crave. Social interactions are all strategic to them and designed to maximize access to the lifestyle they aspire to. They’re incapable of genuine affection.
8. The “Wild Child.” They’re the rebel, the rule-breaker, the non-conformist. At first glance, they might seem exciting but very quickly it becomes clear that their recklessness disregard for their own and everyone else’s welfare is hurtful and unattractive. Even if they’re willing to suffer the consequences of their impulsiveness, you don’t have to.
9. The “Dreamer.” This person always has the next big secret of success just at their fingertips. They’re full of grand ideas and plans, but either they don’t follow through or they don’t think things through, both of which result in social and financial disaster. Attaching yourself to this sinking ship puts you at risk of being dragged under.
10. The “Lost Boy.” This person is a modern-day Peter Pan. They’ve refused to grow up and instead, try to get their friends and loved ones to take emotional and even financial care of them. This perpetual child could actually grow up if they wanted to, but because they’ll never take responsibility for themselves, they’ll be a burden on you forever.
Once you can identify these 10 problematic personality types or toxic people, you’ll be able to protect yourself if they happen to walk into your life. Instead of getting caught up in a frustrating or messy interaction, you can avoid these trouble-makers and focus your energy instead on building satisfying and meaningful relationships, devoid of unnecessary drama or complications.
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About the Author
Dr. Marcia Sirota is a Toronto-based board certified psychiatrist specializing in the treatment of trauma and addiction, as well as the founder of the Ruthless Compassion Institute. Check her latest books on creating successful relationships: “Women Decoded,” to help men understand what women want and how to choose the right woman, and “Back on the Market,” to help women successfully return to dating. Connect with her at http://marciasirotamd.com
if we are one of these people? should we feel bad about ourselves?
Hi! what if EVERYONE you know fits into one of these categories? And maybe some of them are a mixture of a few of them? it is easy to say avoid them, but sometimes that is impossible? What can we do to protect ourselves? What can we do to help these types, in order to help them live a more fulfilled life?
I would define the Volcano as a sociopath, and the Charmer as a psychopath.
The sociopath is Charmer at some occasions, but he’s unable to keep this mask for long. Easily bored he will explode, create drama, just for the need to create reactions.
The psychopath has long term goals, always stay charming when manipulating you, therefore he’s also harder to spot.
You don’t chose what and how you feel. You can just have power on your response to it.
(Someone highly sensitive can behave a selfish or an aggressive way, not because he is selfish and violent, but because he doesn’t know how to cope with his feelings and pains).
Regarding normalised moral and ethic values, yes you should… but what if you don’t?
1- Or you’re able to recognise some of these traits like yours and you dont like this aspect of you so you decide to work on it to be a better person, for yourself, for your loved ones, for others.
2- Or you’re able to recognise them but deny them, find excuses for yourself or just don’t care, in this case you might be a sociopath, psychopath, narcissist or another social disorder…
And there is not much to do about it, as you’re not able to feel remorse or guilt.
And if you are, you would not think much about what to do about it. If you do worry about it, see point number 1.
If you cannot handle or deal with the great variety of humans all arounds us you might as well be a hermit. As the title of this articles accuses people of being toxic, I accuse this story of being toxic itself. Mind you, it is good to understand the pitfalls and dangers, but to label people as toxic is incredibly uncool, instead it is the situations that arise between two or more people that cause toxicity. A so-called toxic person by themselves causes no harm, and in interactions with people who are well equipped and experienced in good communication and who are enlightened to a degree have nothing to fear. It is only when two unenlightened people (or more) get together that bad stuff happens…
Awaken, your answer, while well thought, does not answer the intent of the message you replied to. You also limit the options to a false dichotomy.
I would define you as someone who desires to put people into neat little boxes, but I won’t do that, because it would be putting you into a neat little box, which is cruel, inaccurate, and potentially harmful.
April, thanks for sharing your views, but with all my respect, it is not yours to decide if my comment answer – or at least give an element of answer or thinking- the message I reply to.
Also I see your previous messages:
“I would define you as someone who desires to put people into neat little boxes, but I won’t do that, because it would be putting you into a neat little box, which is cruel, inaccurate, and potentially harmful.”
1. “I” do not put people into neat little boxes. Thousands of psychology and social studies define personality characteristics identified by clear and repeating pattern and process.
2. “but I won’t do that”, you just did 🙂 And I don’t mind.
3. “cruel, inaccurate, and potentially harmful”. See point number 1.
“A so-called toxic person by themselves causes no harm, and in interactions with people who all equipped and experienced in good communication and who are enlightened to a degree have nothing to fear”
I’m sorry, but you couldn’t be more wrong.
First because many toxic people are manipulators and liars with low or no empathy, your skills in communication and your good will are therefore pretty useless.
Second because you are omitting that toxic relationships are not only sentimental relationships between 2 adults healthy mentally, experienced and independent, it is not always the case and also it can be working relationships boss – employee, or even worst: parents – children.
“If you cannot handle or deal with the great variety of humans all arounds us you might as well be a hermit.”
You are totally free to go in a relationship with a destructive person, armed with your convictions to be able to handle it. Feel free after to let us know how it turned out.
So far I haven’t read one testimony saying “I have been living with a liar / cheater / parasite / narcissic or sociopath… and it’s been the greatest times of my life”
You might been confusing “non-perfect people” (nobody is, and some times in our life we are showing more our bad sides than good for a lot of good or bad reasons) and toxic people which have a consistant way to use others without much regard for their feelings.
I’m not sure you realise what is “bad stuff” in a toxic relationship when you say “that bad stuff happens”.
We’re talking insults, harassment on a long term, emotional blackmail, verbal abuse, physical abuse, threats, malice or other machiavellism.
It can go way out of proportions and leave serious damages in the victim’s life.
Your empathy for the ones called “toxic” and the lack of it for their victims (who, regarding your previous comment, seems to be responsible because they are not “enlightened” enough to deal with a person which have social and/or personality disorder) is interesting, also pointless.
Toxic people don’t care that much, with their low or lack of empathy they do not consider your feelings… so your opinion even less.
Except for the narcissist. That would certainly piss him off and he would spend a lot of time to convince you that he’s not and even you should feel sorry for him for such “unfair treatment”.
I think you are ignoring my overall message, and for a second time having trouble understanding the intent and content of posts here.
If you cut off your weak arm, you are left with one over burdened arm, if instead you exercise it, you have two strong arms!
to your numbered points:
1. Its perfectly fine and good for us to study and define personality characteristics, what is not beneficial is unprofessional message board people labeling other humans as “inherently bad” or “toxic”.
2. Thats fine, but I wasn’t just calling you something, I was pointing our the absurdity of abstractly and hypothetically prejudging other people.
3, Obviously you agree, but in your other post, you spent a little time expounding in the opposite direction.
“Sentimental” relationships? I did not limit interactions between two or more people to romantic relationships. Its quite clear that I did not do that, this is why I am doubly sure that you have trouble reading what I say, and instead read what you wanted me to say.
There is this one semi famous bible thumper who uses rhetorical argument to get people to “admit” that they are “toxic” people. He asks, have you ever X? They reply yes. He then asks what do you call someone who does X? They inevitably answer, an Xer! Replace X with; sin, lie, cheat, steal, jealous, etc. This christian fundamentalist/biblical literalist has walked around meeting thousands of people and attempted to get them all to admit to being terrible people. Please, don’t be so quick to judge people! Otherwise you end up looking like that guy…
“It is only when two unenlightened people (or more) get together that bad stuff happens…” Can you fill in the remaining thought? No, instead you have judged me by your own colored lenses; seen what you want. The end of that is that a more beneficial focus and direction of our life energies; it is to make ourselves stronger, and make our neighbors stronger, to work together to the intellectual growth of all the people around us.
Do you consider yourself as “enlightened” ?
Enlightened is a goal, not a state of being. More or less enlightened indicates your progress along that goal.
I will not turn this into a me versus other people thing. I believe I am sufficiently wise and experienced to have mostly positive interactions with most people. When I encounter someone who is displaying some of the behaviours described above as “toxic”, I first assume, there is some trouble in their mind and/or life. I then consciously engage my learned tools for dealing with the situation. They work pretty good.
Remember this, if you focus your thoughts on “bad” people, you will be filling your head with badness! If instead you focus on learning the tools and philosophies to deal with life’s adversity, you grow, and fill your mind with good stuff.
April, you have a good positive way to look at things, or you’re at least trying to.
Though, you might overestimate your experience and take it as a reference.
I’m happy for you if so far, your learned tools always worked pretty good for you, but it is not a reason to preach people who actually have been in toxic relationship.
Toxic doesn’t mean “bad” it’s mean negative and unhealthy.
And there are plenty of toxic behaviour which lead to toxic relationships.
“I first assume”… that’s the problem here, you just “assume” based on your personal convictions and you run in each messages to impose your point of view.
When a violent person abuse physically and mentally another one, he is an abuser, and he is having toxic behaviour. Sure they might have trouble in their mind, maybe they have been victim themselves in the past, maybe not.
It doesn’t change the fact, that at this moment, they are abusive… or maybe we shouldn’t say so because it might harm them ??
What about the person they are abusing?
When someone get trap in this kind of relationship, it is necessary to realise and point toxic behaviours.
“While it is generous always to see positive potential in others, it may also be wise to look for negative influences on you. I use the word “toxic” to describe the physical effects upon your health. This is not a moral or psychological witch hunt — we can be kind with those around us, but also open our eyes to protect ourselves at the same time.
Stress-inducing people often violate your boundaries. They can be intrusive, overly personal, and self-centered. They are often needy, talk nonstop, and don’t listen. They don’t keep confidences, seek gossip, and are not true to their word. A difficult person may have a mean streak, showing harshness to others out of relatively thin air. A toxic person may lack empathy.”
source: By James N. Dillard, M.D.
“We can think of “toxic” people as those who consistently behave in ways that make others feel devalued, inadequate, angry, frustrated, or guilty.”
source: by Karl Albrecht, Ph.D.
“Toxic relationships can take many forms: toxic partners, toxic friendships,toxic parent/child relationships, toxic coworkers”
source: by Sherrie Bourg Carter, Psy.D. in High Octane Women
Toxic is a word… and it has a specific meaning. You might not like it, and you are free to believe, that you, armed with your enlightened experience, you would have deal with an abusive relationship better than those of us who have been victim of it.
Do not take it bad if I stick with the professional and experts vocabulary.
By the way, looking at your tone when you replied to comments, pretty agressive, you might have a lot of learning to do about with your tools.
You know nothing of my story and you run into me, but I’m glad to see that you’ll have a lot of compassion for my ex-sociopath who made my life hell for years.
(you can google sociopath relationships, all stories of others are at 99% mine, process is often the same with socio)
And I can assure you that after such a “what the heck was that??” relationship while you’re still in shock, it is necessary to be able to recognise toxic behaviour and consequences to move on and starting reconstructing yourself.
Maybe you should use more wisely your fights.
No offenses though. Don’t worry I pass the level of hate and resentment a while ago, and you have certainly your reasons to be that much defensive. Despise this experience I do not focus on the bad as you might assume, but I focus on the pragmatic and the facts.
Take care.
I wonder if you are replying for me or for yourself.
“Enlightened is a goal, not a state of being”. Really? Because earlier you said that “It is only when two unenlightened people (or more) get together that bad stuff happens”
So what do you mean, how do you know?
You “think”, you “assume”, a lot of things. About me, about others, and you rush to reply to give your 2 cents and “educate” the unenlightened (which I guess I’m, as I’m not going your way).
Your comments are pretty aggressive, and condescending. You might have the best intentions ever by wanting to educate me, though you know nothing of my story.
Yeah, I know that you assume a lot, but assuming and knowing isn’t the same, and so far, you’ve been pretty wrong (starting by your first 2 answers to me).
“Remember this, if you focus your thoughts on “bad” people, you will be filling your head with badness! If instead you focus on learning the tools and philosophies to deal with life’s adversity, you grow, and fill your mind with good stuff.”
I’m sorry to say, but you ego is sweating from every single words in this paragraph.
It’s one thing that you do not know that “toxic” is a word to describe negative, stress-inducing, and destructive behaviours.
It’s your choice to focus on the word instead of what it implies.
It’s a another thing that when you’re missing arguments you start personal attacks (like the kind of person you expect I am, or that I will become if I do not accept your point… though I’m lucky you could have take Hitler instead of this random biblical semi-famous guy that we will never know much about as being vague is so convenient. Congrats to avoid the Goldwin point).
“We might call these people difficult, troublesome, stress-inducing, or to a greater or lesser degree, toxic people.
[…]
I use the word “toxic” to describe the physical effects upon your health. This is not a moral or psychological witch hunt — we can be kind with those around us, but also open our eyes to protect ourselves at the same time”
James N. Dillard, M.D.
“We can think of “toxic” people as those who consistently behave in ways that make others feel devalued, inadequate, angry, frustrated, or guilty.”
Karl Albrecht, Ph.D.
I guess you might, want to tell professionals which vocabulary they have to use, based on your own and personal experience?
Of course “toxic” do not define the whole person but its behaviours and patterns/process (often repetitive), you’re the only one going in personal vendetta for who knows which reason, thinking that because we use the word “toxic” we’re blaming the people and think that we should buried them alive or something.
Nobody denied that these people have issues, problem is, when their issues end up by draining others on an emotional, psychological and sometimes physical level, it is called “toxic”.
Sorry, here only people who try to understand the way others act and react and try to protect themselves by learning how to recognise patterns.
I won’t reply to your other comments, as obviously you are replying to me more to give your 2 cents and force your enlightened point of view than actually conversing.
No harsh feelings though, just no time to waste. I’m sure you’ll understand. Good luck on your path.
When saying unenlightened I really meant to say relatively unenlightened. I got a little lazy. Does that change anything for you? Please give me a little benefit of doubt there, in our following communications, I clarified and used wisdom and experience, or “tools to deal with adversity” instead of enlightened.
What do I mean/how do I know? Short answer: experience and wisdom. Its simple math really. Two untrained fighters get into a fight. They are both greatly injured. They might even bust kidneys or gouge out eyes. Two trained fighters get into a fight and do not suffer as grave consequences, it is a “fair” fight. Then, if an untrained fighter and a trained fighter get into a fight, typically the trained fighter suffers little damage.
Your interpretation of my aggression is valid, but not at all an intended thing. I am speaking as though I am right. Are you not doing the same thing? I would not be saying anything if I thought I was wrong or had not thought about these things for some time.
By the way that you are trying to elicit emotional responses from me, I would say that you are experiencing some “toxicity”. But I am just communicating as I normally do (INTP Myers Briggs personality indicator). While you have now begun to insult me, I don’t care, and will not join you in that.
Simply by saying ‘Toxic People’ you are linking the two and asserting that people can be judged as primarily toxic. The article states very literally that “toxic people should be avoided at all costs”. Instead of avoiding them at all costs perhaps we could send them to deserted islands? Or perhaps their are better ways to deal with such situations?
In one quote the medical doctor uses the physiological and actual definition of the word. No argument there. He specifically denies the use in a moralistic or theistic manner (both social and psychological uses). Apparently he is using toxic to describe a negative physical health impact upon an individual which is derived from that individual’s psychological state resulting from an interaction or relationship, but thats not toxic, and labeling the “offender” as bad, or toxic doesn’t help anyone.
In the second, the psychologist has asserted the same metaphorical use of the word as the article. By using a quote from a doctor, you have not advanced your argument. At least I now understand that one person other than you and the author of this article have labeled people as toxic. An appeal to an authority must prove itself without using the authority’s name or credentials, otherwise it is a logical fallacy.
“Sorry, here only people who try to understand the way others act and react and try to protect themselves by learning how to recognise patterns.” This one is a run-on of fragments. If you choose to reply again, please clarify. Very Palin-esque 🙂
Can you tell me how focusing on gaining the tools to deal with difficult situations is worse or will be less successful than avoiding “toxic” people?
^ Ok no idea why this comment is appearing now, the service bugged yesterday.
“Short answer: experience and wisdom. Its simple math really.”
And I guess then that “your” experience and “your” wisdom are better than others and cover all topics in the world. That absolutely nobody can, by their experience, know better than you.
I guess you didn’t learn humility.
“Or perhaps their are better ways to deal with such situations?”
Or perhaps there are not. Did that ever crossed your mind?
“authority’s name or credentials, otherwise it is a logical fallacy.”
Please can you put away your list of “propaganda techniques” and trying to find correlation where there are none. It doesn’t make your comment more credible, on the contrary, it shows how much fierce to force your point of view.
And where the heel did you see I “insulted” you? Which is quite funny how you try to return all the time the situation.
We started this conversation because you were running into everybody, me especially, trying to show how much you are better, more instructed, more trained, more experienced, more everything than everybody else.
Maybe you’re not used that someone is not impressed by your weak argumentation flooded under personal attacks, huge presumptions and strong arrogance?
Is it why you cannot just let it go and admit that people who think different than you, based on their own experiences are not inferior to you?
You talk, you talk, you talk about experience and your tools, about better ways.
But these are just words. Be concrete.
How do you deal exactly with a sociopath April? I’ll be very curious.
Just to see if there is actually something behind those never ending paragraphs where you seem liking contemplating yourself.
What “type” does that leave, if any?
What’s odd is, this article was originally under the Health section. An older woman with a lot of experience left a very wise comment. I reposted this on FB, because I believe the article to be a debacle. I think they didn’t like it. So, they removed it and placed it again here only to have what that woman said echoed in many comments I see here. You’re right!
Nope. This article has always been here in this section and we welcome diverse opinions.
BS, i identify myself with at the least two descriptions, what should i do? kill myself because i am toxic garbage to others? What about the most annoying class of all “People who think they have all the moral and insist on living in a fake perfect pink world”…
Joana, may I please suggest that you don’t kill yourself because you’re “toxic garbage to others.” I promise you, you’re NOT that!
What I perceive from your comment, you’ve taken the most difficult step to making changes because of your ability to recognize some habits in the article that describe a part of you, that you consider undesirable. Many people aren’t able to see themselves clearly, let alone take ownership of perceived shortcomings. I say, good for you!
Perhaps, as you state “the most annoying class of all “People who think they have all the moral and insist on living in a fake perfect pink world”… My suggestion to your query about this personality trait, is what anyone else does in their moralistic “pink perfect world” is none of your business, and if they’re making your business, their business, the finger pointing at you most likely is a projection being placed on you and has little to do with you if anything at all. That person needs to check themselves and let you do the same. The only person you’re responsible for is yourself, unless of course you have children, you”re responsible for modeling behavior unlike the traits written about in the article.
Please know that no human being has all this figured out, and life requires of us to pause and consider from time to time what is, or isn’t working in our affairs, and interpersonal relationships. Many of us aren’t taught these things, and much of this work builds upon experience and maturity. Don’t beat you’re self up.
A few ways to address the habits you recognize in yourself, might be when you “catch yourself” in one of the “toxic” descriptions you might take ownership, and apologize if necessary. Then commit yourself to work on that particular habit. This will preserve your integrity by not giving lip service to apologies that have no substance. If you’re able, to not take suggestions personally, and you have a safe and trusted friend, ask them for feedback and suggestions from your heart space. Make sure it’s not someone that exhibits the “toxic” traits in this article. A true friend will guide you without judgement toward your authentic nature.
When considering what might be underneath some of this, you may discover fear of some sort masquerading as defense habits/patterns. Many times these defense strategies were necessary for you, but now they no longer serve you. Many people get stuck, and have no idea that personal growth is necessary, and it lasts a lifetime as we experience our human-being-ness. Your insight indicates to me, you’re not stuck, but have become uncomfortable in your skin. This is good news for forward movement!
You may find you’d like to be more private about addressing these “toxic habits.” If this is the case I’d suggest to research various therapies that are specific to your concerns. Many therapists offer a free consultation, where the two of you can get a feel if this is the best way to more forward given the changes you’d like to make. Be as specific as possible, so you can have a clear course of action with the goal being relief as soon as possible.
When considering working with a therapist, I would suggest getting a personal referral as a first consideration for someone to work with. Anymore, you should be able to find out a good deal about the reputation of a therapist online. I tend to believe the more transparent a therapist is, the better luck you’ll have rather than someone with no online presence. This isn’t always true I’m sure, but “those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.” You can find registered therapist information on your state government website, to verify certifications and licensing. Since none of us has all this figured out, at all times, there can be “toxic” therapists too. Toxic, as written about in this article, if on a scale from one to ten “toxic” might be personality traits, habits, and ways of being that tend to be more destructive than the word “unhealthy.” Regardless, they rob us of self-differentiation, freedom, and joy.
Follow your gut, and know you’ve already stepped on the path of self awareness by your recognition of changes you’d like to make. Best of luck to you on this exciting, and sometimes scary journey! I hope this has been a little helpful, please be well.
Limited exposure instead of absolute avoidance if it makes you uncomfortable. Then treat yourself to some self care! We can’t “do anything to help people live a fulfilled life.” That desire must come from within, then we can help if asked, but ultimately everyone gets to do their own work if that’s what the choose to do.
Yah, I know some like this.
This just described everything we do in order to protect ourselves. We all have a bit of all of these in us. Love and embrace that part of you and you won’t care if you meet these people or not.
this list is shit… everyone I have ever met fits in to one of these… at least a little… do better
11: Clickwhore: Someone who splits a rather short article into three pages.
To some degree half of these traits are in every human being. It almost sounds as if the good doctor is venting from past failed relationships.
Seriously if you follow these rules you are not gonna have to avoid the majority of the population.
This list is absolute bullshit. first off, There are different degrees of narcissism that every person possesses. Second of all, people are a product of what they are previously exposed to, all the raw data that we take in is broken down and simplified by the mind, but is largely influenced by concept (look it up, psychological term). Unfortunately, concept can lead to prejudices, we all create concept in order to memorize and learn by association. So realistically everyone switches from one to the next “person” depending on their environment…. One thing that lacks on this list is “The i’m bloody perfect” which would best describe the writer of this article. None of us know this of course. People are people. its that simple. You cant categorize us. the mind, personality and behavior of people is much to complex.
What can we do? how about use your own head, and stop believing everything people tell you…. you’re a smart cookie.
Its awesome to find people who can be honest with themselves. theres no reason for you to change. But if your no being yourself at times then you need to acknowledge that.
Who died and made you Buddha?
#11- The Analyzer
The one who always needs to analyze everyone because a website told them to. Avoid this person and these sites at all times.
We have to take people like they are, because there are no others… In my personal opinion, this text above is toxic – not those 10 types of people. For real, humans are able to change, got the ability to grow, and sometimes all they need, is the right person next to them.
Were would we go, if we avoid everything, that seems inperfect in our small minds? We are all one, and we need to do, what needs to be done… beeing negative, claiming others to be “bad people”, is not the right way to archive that. Who ever wrote that article, i pity you!
They forgot to mention at the end of the article that by avoiding all these kinds of people will make you just another brick in the wall.
Categorizing a person is the same as stereotyping … first of all. Second of all , these people need the most help in life … without people , there’s no point in living. I find this article offensive. ~
mrs moderators what are those things on the left side of the screen? they cover the writing
Hmmm I see a little of myself in 3 of these, and my therapist seems to think I’m getting bbetter I thought so toi lol@us 😉 ???
Awesome. Good to have open minds. Good article.
kind of true but with a broad sweeping generalization of each “type” the article needs to explain — how does a person just “grow up ??” as described in the lost boy lost child description — frankly on any given day ive been all of these or none of these – once again we are offered a “pathology” without the next step: what constitutes a mentally healthy and or emotionally and or spiritually healthy person – give us that article and information / likewise a person can be a raving bitch at work but then out of the work place a totally sane person as well…there are continuims of emotions and types and blends more often – the article is rather “dramatic” itself / the types described are out there…if you are alsways getting into a rommantic sexual or emotional “relationship” with the same type over and over again…then it calls to face the pattern trace it and erase it – as adults we always marry one parent and become the other ?? tell us what a healthy relationship looks like…whats the opposite of Toxic ?? sane ? clear thinking ?? accountable ?? take a look around these are the types of people that succeed more often than not because these are the traits that “get” those types what they want at all costs…billionaires are almost always psychopaths – they have to be to be that focused – they are not genereally considered just nice well rounded people….or even mentally or emotionally healthy
Toxic people can not be completely avoided and I’m not sure we should anyway… I think I have learned the most (by being tested the most) for knowing, dealing with and helping these people. As long as we’re patient, compassionate and loving, w/ourselves and others, there will be extreme growth as a result!
Wow. I can recognize several of the characteristics in both of you. Good luck with that.
The biggest error I can see in this article is that it makes the assertion that these toxic qualities are indicative of the people themselves, and established as permanent fixtures. It states that the Lost Boy will never grow up. The Lost Boy, insofar as such a thing exists (I demonstrate many qualities of this and a few other models, as do most people I’ve met in my life), hasn’t grown up.
Being posted on a site founded (apparently) on Yoga philosophy, this seems odd. Aren’t we essentially Atman, and this body and in fact this personality a temporary phase of our existence? Moreover, its obvious to those who’ve studied the mind that the personality itself is plastic, and changes and adapts. Do people get stuck in effective but potentially disruptive strategies? Yes.
Is the world improved by those who are aware enough to recognize such behaviors as immature strategies avoiding all such people? I don’t think so. If anything, perhaps we need to surround and engage these people the way lymphocytes surround and engage pathogens, or the way certain tribes have been known to surround and engage people who break their social mores.
Funnily enough, this article itself demonstrates numerous qualities that it discusses. Like the Drama Queen, the author is taking this opportunity as the center of attention to pit people against (by suggesting we isolate them) people demonstrating these qualities. Like the Cynic, the author is looking only at the negative aspects of these behavioral models, not acknowledging that such models would not have survived to adulthood unless they’d be effective at helping the adult navigate their childhood. Like the Complainer, the author is blaming these people for their (or others’) apparent inability to navigate social engagements with these social qualities without detriment. Like the Lost Boy, the author relies on a simplified, almost childish, look at personality, as a fixed, unchanging part of the human beings we are relating with.
From my own experience, this is not true. Some of these qualities were strong in me when I was younger but have since diminished or dissolved. Others have become more pronounced. The one I struggle with is Lost Boy. It is not that I refuse to grow. I am afraid. See, all of these qualities are rooted in common emotional experiences, and represent dysfunctional strategies for coping with common experiences. If they persist, it is because karma allows for it. I have been the Lost Boy off and on for years, but people have cared for me. Perhaps if they had not, I would have been forced to grow up. For many others, this is the case.
In the meantime, articles that advocate a hands off approach to people who display dysfunction are counter-productive. Isolation rarely improves anyone’s mental health. Solitude, yes, but solitude must be entered willingly and intentionally. Isolation merely breeds existential fear and results in the intensification of the dysfunctional strategies, especially when it is the people who are most capable of demonstrating functional strategies that are staying away from you.
Stupidest piece of crap article I’ve ever read. There’s nothing scientific about any of it. Imagine if all of us just dumped everyone in our lives who has ever been difficult. We wouldn’t have any friends left. And maybe some of us would be dumped first. That’s not what spirituality is about and to put this piece of self-righteous blather out into the minds of yogi-wannabes is irresponsible and harmful.
What about the studies that now show negative think is actually good for you?
What’s Left? 11. The Bore: You will have no sexual attraction or optimism. You will face no criticism and thus fail to grow personally. You will never have to worry about discord because you will spend any evening doing precisely what you did the day, week, and month before. You may find solace in consumerism such as movies and popular electronics items. In times of stress, you will find their steady and predictable reaction to your adversity maddening, however, you can be assured they wont take any offense to whatever character flaws you fail to overcome in your decade of “life” partnership of quiet desperation, before you both admit you’re both faking it.
/true love is when you accept that flaws exist and survive them; not correct them, seek perfection, or dump them by perceiving the new people in your life as less flawed [for your lack of familiarity with them]. Everyone’s flawed.
Great post
Reality is reality those who are not equipped can take heed those who are know how to handle themselves.
Right
Show me one person on earth who is not one of these people either some of the time or all of the time. Avoiding this list might entail living on an island all by oneself.
A psychiatrist, can you imagine!
Perfect reply…
This is quite unfortunate. I agree with a comment from April k below, that the situations that arise between people can become toxic. People may have diminishing and toxic behaviors, but honestly, any relationships is a two way street and having clear boundaries is key. The boundaries we establish are with ourselves not with other people, so if the boundary is crossed, talk and point it out to another person and be all “that isn’t cool” but if that is not respected, then one can walk away. But, I agree this elistis article is not super helpful when it comes to understanding how to analyze the situation and take the feelings toward and labeling of people out of the equation. We can label people and have it mean they are bad, or use the labels discriptively and say “I just don’t roll that way.” If I am around a manipulator, I just have to go b/c I don’t roll that way. I don’t hang with drama queens because I don’t like it, but I love dreamers, especially when they work toward achieving the dream.
The problem with this list is that it just about describes the whole human race. Everybody has a part of all of these personalities traits or flaws and have acted under such if not being defined 100% as a specific type. I don’t think the solution is avoiding them but rather learning how to deal with them while being on guard so you’re not victimized. I mean, don’t we try to do this anyway when it comes to dealing with people?
Ok you missed my favorite one to avoid,….. and no it really doesn’t fall clearly into the other categories! The VICTIM!!! I’d rather be with a dreamer than a victim anyday!!!! they are not the narcissist, drama queen, or complainer… They are the ones that act like martyrs, they call their pity/sympathy “empathy” but it is not, and we have to walk on eggshells for their sensitive heart. I adore people, but no tolerance for victims! They go around looking for other victims to wallow with. They live in this state , so it has nothing to do with a tragedy. (for example I lost my home in a fire years ago, it really was a great thing, I was in shock for 9 mths, but saw the good, a victim will wallow in it forever. I’ve known 5+! Augh!!! Come on…. what about the victim persona?
Genuine kindness! 🙂
You made me laugh!
Pretty much every person is going to fit into one of these categories unless you are only friends with androids only and they have no personality.
The labels listed are not the real ones to watch out for. I think the perfect ones… that appear perfect… but manipulate… they are the danger. A dreamer … is not all bad for example.
I agree with you on a personal level, but having been slightly educated in the great variety of personalities and how each one interacts with each other. No one personality can be judged as lesser than others. I have as hard time finding someone who isn’t deranged in some way, and this tendency of folks like you and me to value internalized negativity over externalized negativity is so arbitrary. I do hate “users” but only when I am a “victim”. I can’t just turn that around and blame myself for victim-hood, nothing gets better. If I hate the haters, then the sum of haters in the world goes up by one!
Through the great benefit of smiley sunshine asshole philosophies, I have learned a few things. I can only change what is within myself and only too a degree. If I cannot change something perhaps I can come up with a work-around. If I cannot even do that, its still up to me to do something, and if nothing else acceptance is a valid choice.
But what about all the other innocent people who are taken advantage of by users? Well by god, as experienced and adjusted adults it literally is our responsibility to help those people, we are a society, and we would not be alive if we hadn’t been helped by others. Lets get off our butts!