A Very Expensive Day in the Life of a Bipolar Disorder Sufferer

By Lynn Hodges

$50,000 spent in one day!  How is that possible?  When you are diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder anything is possible.

It was in May 2004 when I was living out in Spain with my family, I started to become unwell.  I was involved in a very damaging relationship and I knew I had to leave the father of the children.

I contacted my sister and her husband and they flew out to help me return with the children.  When they met me they could see I was stressed and very unwell.

We left in the middle of the night carrying the children over a high wall so not to wake their father.  The children were young; Megan was 10, Brooke 7 and Zac 4.

When we returned to England I could not move back into the family home as it was being rented out.  I had to move into my sister Kay’s and her husband’s house until I could sort out myself.

Within days I started to behave very strangely.  I started to throw away all things in my sister’s house that I felt was in the way.  TV remotes found their way to the bin, along with cushions from the sofa, house keys etc.  I wanted the place to be clear of any junk.

I had a caravan in a local village and at the weekend I would take the children and have a break.  This particular weekend I went on a walk and came across a motor home which I bought on the spot for £13,500.  I was able to do this as I had a business that I got the funds from.  I have to admit I did not have this sort of money to spend on a motor home.

I then went out with the children and chose computers which cost $8,000.  I decided to home teach the children from the motor home.  My spending did not stop there.  I wanted to feel like a diamond so I went off to a Jeweler and spent $3,000 on a diamond watch, $2000 on a diamond ring, and $1600 on diamond earrings.  I also went shopping and bought designer clothes worth $6,000.

I was out of control.  The last thing I did that day was drive back to my sister’s house to take out my nephew and my family for dinner in London.  On the way back on a major highway, I drove at 80 miles per hour, I threw out my passport, my sister’s house keys, and my bag all out of the window onto the oncoming traffic.

My nephew told his mum what had happened and she spoke to me and said she could not cope any longer with my behavior and something had to give.  She said if I was to stay at her house any longer I had to go to the doctors with her immediately.

We went to the doctors the following evening and the doctor suspected I was suffering from Bipolar Disorder.  Both my sister and I had never heard of it before, no information was forthcoming from the doctor.  He instead sent me to a psychiatric hospital to be assessed.  It did not take the psychiatrist long to decide that I needed to be hospitalized.

I remember my sister being relieved.  She did not get any support looking after my three children, from the health professionals.  She was left to deal with the situation herself.  She did however get support from my younger sister Jill who also looked after the children as well.

Life on a psychiatric ward was insightful.  I was on a mixed ward which was quite intimidating.  I spent most of my time out in the court yard, smoking cigarettes.

I was given a mood stabilizer Lithium, an antipsychotic Risperdal and sleeping pills.  I hated having to take these pills.  I did not believe I had Bipolar.  I was suffering from a broken heart.

I spent the first week in a daze, unable to cope with my life.  As time went on I started to get stronger.  I was introduced to a care co-ordinator who was responsible for helping me sort out my housing situation, take care of my mental state and generally offer advice and support.

I was pleased to be offered this.  I needed all those things.  I needed accommodation; I needed schools for the children.  My care co-ordinator found me a hostel which was 30 miles from the schools my sister had sourced.

My sister Kay offered me to live at her home until I was mentally stronger.

I stayed in hospital for six weeks and found art therapy a wonderful way to help me overcome my emotional pain.  I found I was really good at art and in 2007 I studied oils for three years before becoming a professional artist.

Once I was out of hospital the recovery process really started.  It took me 9 months to recover from the attack.  I eventually got my own home that I paid for without any help from any government agency.

I changed my sleeping patterns as I was always a night owl.  I needed to ensure I got 8 hours sleep a night. I joint the gym so I could look after my physical well-being and I also swam regularly.  I also looked at my eating habits, and because in the past I had been a night owl, I would tend to eat fast foods which did not give me the vitamins I needed.

I did all this to help keep me well, but did not continue to take my medication.  I did not believe I had bipolar, and therefore I could never become well, as I was in denial.  I had several manic attacks where I had to have the Crisis Team come out and look after me.  The Crisis Team are a group of people who are health professionals and their job is to keep you out of hospital.

It was during one of my manic attacks that I eventually started to listen rather than argue and I began to realize that I had a life long illness.

Once I had come to terms with this I was able to work on my recovery.  I started to read up on the internet about the illness and I became very nervous, it spoke only about the negative aspects of the illness.  I wanted a book to talk about the positive aspects.  The fact that I had run a business for 22 years, and become a professional artist all whilst having bipolar was positive.

This is why I decided to write Living with Bipolar Disorder.

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Lynn Hodges has much experience with mental illness. Along with a family history of mental health problems, Lynn has been diagnosed with Bipolar one, the most severe form of manic depression. Learning to live with her illness, Lynn designed workshops used by local governments and mental health association in the UK.  Living with Bipolar Disorder is published by Findhorn Press www.findhornpress.com.