When Changes Threaten a Relationship
This article explores the connection between change and relationships.
When Changes Threaten a Relationship
All relationships go through stages and change over time. Each individual in the relationship changes, and so does the dynamic between the people. What attracted us to a partner or friend might start to repel us. Our friend’s problematic personality traits might become more prominent.
Changes in each person’s health are likely to affect relationships, too. A married couple might have vowed to remain together and faithful to each other through sickness and health, yet when the time comes to deal with health crises, the stress can pull them apart. Fortunately, there are several actions you can take when changes threaten a relationship.
Accept That Change Is Constant
If you look around you, you may see that where you are right now has changed since you first sat down. Maybe the light changed as the sun moved through the sky. Maybe the door to the room you’re in opened as your dog or cat walked in. Change is a part of life.
Even though we can’t see it, our bodies are experiencing the death and birth of cells at all times. You might say that change is constant!
If you resist change, it may be that you tend toward pessimism and think that if change happens, it must be bad. You might also simply hate uncertainty. It can make people anxious, after all.
However, you can learn to accept that change is always happening, often without any influence from you. In fact, you can befriend change and work with it so that you can affect situations in a way that works for you.
Maybe it’s been a long time since the person you’re in a relationship with has expressed interest in your life, feelings, or thoughts. Maybe they always seem to have an excuse to bow out of spending time with you. Accepting that your relationship with them has changed is the first step in either improving it or letting it go.
Acknowledge Change Out Loud
In any relationship, you have to be able to share with the other person what you’re feeling and experiencing. For most of us, this is easier said than done. In avoiding a difficult conversation, people suffer silently. They feel trapped but also helpless to make the relationship better.
And they want the relationship to change back to what it was, which may not be possible. They might not want to give up hope that the relationship can improve on its own. Fixing the problems they’re having with another person might be very challenging.
When a relationship is draining you, causing you sorrow or frustration, making you angry, or leading you to remain silent but resentful, you have to speak up and acknowledge that something has changed. Then, you have to be willing to listen to what the other person has to say.
Practice Sacred Listening
Many people avoid acknowledging that something has changed in their relationship and starting a conversation with the other person. They don’t want to hear anything negative or be criticized.
However, by practicing sacred listening, they set the stage for the other person to choose their words carefully and not rush to express themselves. The fear of being interrupted or contradicted can make people hurry to get out their side of the story, and in doing so, they might not be as sensitive as they would otherwise.
Sacred listening means practicing silence while the other person speaks.
Listening attentively without distracting yourself (put down your cell phone!), and only interrupting rarely to ask for clarification. As much as you want to speak your piece, you have to be willing to listen if you want to improve the relationship and communicate effectively and productively about what has changed, how the two of you feel, and what you want to do going forward.
Be At Peace with Differences
After the honeymoon in any relationship, the original enthusiasm we had for building a connection with the other person can wane as we learn more about them. Before, they were perfect. Now, we see flaws.
Sometimes, the flaws are the very qualities we admired in them before! If we can look at our differences through a new lens, we might see that they can be neutral or even positive.
The very organized, meticulous partner can help the more free-spirited partner to be more responsible, and the more free-spirited partner can help the very organized, meticulous one loosen up and enjoy life and its surprises more.
The question is, did the other person change, or did our perspective on them change? Could we shift again to appreciate our differences with this person?
Look at Your Patterns in Other Relationships
As time goes on, we can choose to remember that we’ve had relationships with others our whole lives before this one.
Any magic we might have felt as a result of romantic feelings or starry-eyed optimism about the perfect friend, boss, or in-law can give way to uncertainty about how we feel. That change can threaten the relationship.
When that happens, we can look at some of our other relationships that have influenced who we became and try to spot any patterns.
Do we become disillusioned with people after our first disagreement?
Do we use that as an excuse to pull away before they can pull away from us?
That pattern is common in people who have abandonment issues.
Do we become clingy after the honeymoon, terrified that the wonderful, even magical, feeling of connection we had at first will never return? That pattern is common, too.
Simply recognizing patterns can lead to productive conversations with the person we’ve started to disconnect from or judge after they seemed to change in ways we don’t like.
That’s because when we’re willing to look at our patterns in other relationships, it’s easier to see our role in our current relationship troubles, own them, and address them rather than deny them and feel helpless, hopeless, frustrated, and disappointed with the other person.
When change threatens a relationship you value, give yourself time to gain clarity about what has happened, why it happened, and what you want to do next.
Click HERE to Connect with your Daily Horoscope on OMTimes!
Visit Our Astrology Store for Personalized Reports
About the Author
Carl Greer, PhD, PsyD, is a retired clinical psychologist and Jungian analyst, a businessman, and a shamanic practitioner, author, and philanthropist, funding over 60 charities and more than 2,000 past and current Greer scholars.
He has taught at the C.G. Jung Institute of Chicago and been on staff at the Replogle Center for Counseling and Well-Being. His new book is Go Within to Change Your Life: A Hidden Wisdom Workbook for Personal Transformation. Learn more at CarlGreer.com
OMTimes is the premier Spiritually Conscious Magazine. Follow Us On Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Linkedin, Pinterest, and Youtube
