The Art of Weaving Families
Donna Supitilov Skora, the founder of Surrogate Grandparents, has new ideas that are redefining the idea of families.
An Interview with Donna Supitilov Skora – The Art of Weaving Families
What is the Tapestry of the New American Family?
The family was originally defined as the group of people who have a degree of kinship with each other and live in the same house forming a home. A family is considered an institution responsible for promoting the education of children and influencing their behavior in the social environment. The role of the family in the development of everyone is of fundamental importance. It is within the family that the moral and social values that serve as the basis for the process of socialization of the child, as well as the traditions and customs perpetuated through generations, are transmitted.
It is true that the family is undoubtedly the institution and the oldest human grouping, since every human being, every individual is born because of the family and, as a rule, in the sphere of the family, associating with its other members.
The idea of what is becoming a family, its characteristics, its formation, is an extremely volatile and changeable concept in time, always following the evolution of social ideals, scientific discoveries, and customs of society. It is impossible to construct a solid and fixed idea of what the family is, and what its characteristics are.
We are living in a moment of social and legal development on the subject, where the concept of what becomes a family is being expanded. Just looking around, we see how the original definition of the term “Family” is reductionist and anachronistic, not reflecting the reality in which we live in these changing times.
The world is dynamic, diverse and comprehensive, and the definition of the word family must take all of this into account.
The revolutionary initiative of Surrogate Grandparents manifested as an answer to the constraints of family dynamics and it is a reengineering of this old concept, considering the human need to love, to be loved and the need to belong.
OMTimes sat down and interviewed Donna Supitilov Skora, the mastermind behind this incredible outreach and she tell us how she is re-weaving families in a new tapestry in our society.
OMTimes: Surrogate Grandparents – USA opened its doors as a group in 2015. How did your organization come to be? What is your philosophy?
Donna Supitilov Skora: While searching for a way that my husband and I could get involved in a child’s or children’s lives in the capacity of grandparents I discovered and joined a group called “Surrogate Grandparents” through Facebook. That group is located in the U.K. I quickly realized that there wasn’t a similar group for the United States, so that is when I created the group. Our philosophy has become, “healing through moving forward,” because this is what it has done for me as well as so many of our members, some of which who have come from fractured families. It can become a way to try to turn a negative situation into something positive and of which I have seen happen a number of times through our success stories.
OMTimes: How has the mission of Surrogate Grandparents evolved since the initiative was started in 2015?
Donna Supitilov Skora: It has been an amazing journey to experience. As of June 2015 we only had 30 members and here we are today, currently with over 3700 members nationwide and continuing to grow. The group has to date remained upbeat, positive and with very little drama with all of the posts and comments. It is a group that has always welcomed people from all walks of life and from all faiths. Any kind of discrimination, hatred, racism, bigotry or bullying, is simply not tolerated. Our mission of healing through moving forward has remained steadfast and strong to this day, focusing only on connecting with others through love, understanding and mutual respect.
OMTimes How can people get involved with Surrogate Grandparents Project, and what are the opportunities available for those that would like to volunteer with your organization?
Donna Supitilov Skora: The possibilities are endless. No longer a group simply for grandparents and families seeking connections, people have joined the group seeking a mother figure, father figure, aunt, uncle or even someone to become a sister or a brother. The group is all about finding successful loving connections with others who are seeking the same.
OMTimes: What resources do you offer for people that would like to connect and find Grandparents for their families?
Donna Supitilov Skora: We keep two separate lists as a form of resource for all the members. One list for families seeking connections and the other list for grandparents seeking connections. The lists are updated frequently and provide the members with a way to glance at the state that they reside in, to see if anyone in their area, or around their area, is seeking a connection. Once they find someone on the list, or within the group that they would like to reach out to as a potential connection, they can post something on the page, tagging that person, to notify them that they are sending them a personal message for a possible connection. When someone is tagged, they receive notification of that post and will know to check their inboxes in their personal mail message folder. We also have an album created for each state, where members can post pictures and introductions of themselves as well as reach out to whoever has posted in those albums. Posting introductions with photos on the group page are also welcome and encouraged.
OMTimes: What is the biggest challenge in managing the high expectation of so many people?
Donna Supitilov Skora: We have found that some people join, expecting the group to become an overnight fix for their desire to connect with the potential family and/or grandparent. Reaching out to, and potentially connecting with a successful loving connection, takes a lot of time and patience by all parties involved. It can take some time to even realize that the connection really isn’t working out. Forming these kinds of loving connections is very much like adopting someone into your family. That being said, when the connection is found to be successful and all parties are on the same page, it turns into a very rewarding and fulfilling situation.
OMTimes: Can you tell us some of the happy stories you came across that were engineered inside this?
Donna Supitilov Skora: We have had many, I can mention some of them.
October 2017: CN posted: “After losing my mom, I was certain moments like these would never happen for my kids & I. This group gave us a second chance. Thank you from all of us!!”
October 2017 KS posted: “Our Grandson Ayden Spent the night tonight for the first time. God is so good. He is an answer to prayer. Next week we are all going up in front of the church to dedicate and make the commitment before the church and God to be his Grandparents for life. He has no living biological Grandparents. I cannot fully express how much love is in my heart for this little man. God sent him to us and he is such a blessing.”
12/30/17: PNBB posts: I just want to thank God for this group. We are a military family, moving, and deployments are life-changing. Not having family support, and quality time is devastating. The kids can only be so strong, so long. Me, trying to hold myself, kids, and husband together are hard. It’s nice to have someone to be there and turn to. We have had struggles with favoritism in the family, and absence. The kids felt isolated and hopeless. When brought up… it seemed to be our fault, in some of the darkest times. We felt hurt. We connected with a family, from this group. They have brought us everything that has been missing. We feel the love. We feel the support. We feel complete, with them in our life! The kid’s smile.. says it all! One message, one prayer that was answered. That was it! Thank you KB and JB….from all of our hearts! We are a family!
KB posted a reply: This past year has truly been amazing! Through this group, we connected with PNBB about a year ago and even though we are 3 1/2 hours apart distance-wise, we have become family. We have celebrated holidays and birthdays together and the grands stayed with us so the parents could take some trips as a couple. This has been a year full of love, joy, and blessing!
On 9/10/18, MNVI posted: “We took a chance two years ago in search of grandparents for our baby girl. At the time we thought it might be a crazy idea and didn’t know if adopting grandparents was even possible. It has turned out to be the best decision we could have ever made for our daughter. You’d never know these two beautiful people weren’t her biological grandparents because they’ve loved her unconditionally since the moment they met her. They’ve not only been there for her but have gone above and beyond for my husband and I as well. There’s no doubt in my mind that they were meant to be her grandparents and God lead us to this group to find them. Thank you for creating this group and thank you T & J for taking a chance on us. We love you more than we could ever express in words.”
On 6/25/18 TC posted: “I just want to thank this Group for bringing people together who want such a simple basic need, which is family. So many that have it, don’t value it & others are searching for it. Please be patient, it may take time to find that connection, that match. Just don’t give up! I found a wonderful family after two tries and am so very grateful. Thank you once again, Surrogate >Grandparents, – USA.“
OMTimes: Do you have the plan to expand your reach and how can people interested in participating reach you?
Donna Supitilov Skora: We have been working on and planning a website, but it won’t be ready for a while. For right now, they can request to join the group through Facebook at the link address of https://www.facebook.com/groups/SurrogateGrandparentsNorthAmerica/
Surrogate Grandparents-USA also has an email address, which is another way of reaching me which is surrogate.gp.usa@gmail.com.
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