Syntony – The Secret to Lasting Relationships
Syntony in a relationship is defined as the state of being normally responsive to and in harmony with your partner and the relationship.
The Importance of Syntony to Lasting Relationships
It is incredible how often the theme “Loving Relationship” is recurrent in Life coaching sessions nowadays.
There are so many stories that started full of passion and went wrong along the way. Most of the failures in relationships make one factor evident: the lack of “tuning” or syntony between a couple in the objectives and constructing a life and walking together.
For What Reason does this lack of attunement happen?
It occurs mainly because of the need to feel cared for. But also the need to feel passion, admiration for others, and shared interests, among others.
Everything is valid to fire at us that spectacular impulse that makes our pupils dilate and our minds focus on all points in common.
What a fantastic thing is our ability to see qualities and similarities when in love. And how they can suddenly disappear from our field of vision over time and give rise to questions such as: “My God, what was I thinking?”. I even have to laugh while recalling my own experiences.
The good thing is that every experience gives us valuable learning. And over time, we learn to “read the signs,” which were obviously evident from the beginning. Thus, we do not see why we were so fixed on the ideal we created, about the person we were interested in when we simply reject these signals consciously or unconsciously.
And sometimes we do worse: we enter a relationship aware of the other’s “defects” and create the illusion that we will be able to change that in the person. I make a point of treating the term defects in quotation marks because I consider that, in fact, they can be characteristic, interpreted as defects by some and as a lifestyle by others. That is where the “x” of the question lies.
Imagine the danger of wanting to change something in a person that he does not even recognize as a problem, but that can be a characteristic that the person carries with him in his family records (genetics), type of creation, references, or mental schedules that serve as emotional defenses for her to face life. Look at the trouble we get into when we want to change someone or force an adjustment to meet our expectations.
What we can actually do is seek to AWAKEN broader visions. We can do this by building scenarios with our partner, suggesting a context without the elements that we consider defects in him/her. After that, we must analyze the new perceptions and reactions of the others regarding this “new world.” From these reactions, we will know that she likes or dislikes this scenario and how much she really sees herself in it, not to please us, but for the mere pleasure of enjoying personal conquests around this context.
We must dream together! When I say “dreaming,” I mean planning built on a common purpose. This is what underlies a relationship: the meaning behind each kilometer walked side by side.
Reflect on that. Observe couples who live in harmony. I know some. You certainly have at least one around. Try asking these people what makes them stay together and have a healthy relationship. You will probably hear the same answer I got: “The decision to be together, coupled with admiration for each other in certain aspects and the ideas in common.”
These may be some of the criteria that feed the syntony that I defend so much.
Believe us: we need it to dance to the songs that life plays. Sometimes in salsa rhythm, other times, tango, sometimes waltz, and various symphonies, rhythms, and tones. Each couple is a pair of “dancers” who need to dance to the same song together, and for that, it is necessary to be tuned to the same station. Certainly, at some point, it will happen that one of the two or both will lose their rhythm or balance and get in the way of the dance. Therefore, it is necessary to set the pace so as not to stomp on the partner and even the people around.
Suppose you want to enter and enjoy the spectacular dance of life as a couple. You will need to align the step as many times as necessary and synchronize the rhythm under the same attunement. This is a daily workout. It will be essential always to be willing to adjust the pace, but without wanting to dictate the others. There will be times when you will guide the dance and be directed at others.
May you have rhythm, a sense of humor, and team spirit to create the syntony to enjoy the best in life that starts with two and can multiply and form a great dance.
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About the Author
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