Conscious Coupling

Conscious coupling focuses on knowing what we need, want, and desire to expand, therefore, what we want to look for within a partner.

Conscious Coupling in A World That Thrives on The Shiny New Object Relationship

by René Schooler

In modern love and dating, many of us have a love-hate relationship with it. However, there is so much freedom, adventure, and what feels more like truth to it because we can easily have the style of relationship we want and not have to explain ourselves for it. We are finding more and more variables in modern love and dating, and the dating field is most certainly becoming an equal ground for both sexes.

However, with this equality and freedom to relate and the sex we want and feel best for us, we are also experiencing a massive amount of heartache, frustration, and lack of commitment or stability with all parties involved. Creating emotional wounding that often supports our worst fears that speak to our inner child and say, ” Yep, I was right. I am not lovable.” This belief that so many of us have that we are not worthy of love can show its nasty face to us in many ways, from telling us that we are too much or not enough, that we are victims to (fill in the blank) or that we just cannot seem to get it right. We seek the perfect love story hoping we can also turn it into a life story. Still, because we all feel replaceable in our world of love, sex, and the relationship, we also are not willing to become vulnerable and trust one another nor give proper time to develop a healthy foundation for a relationship.

It takes about 200 hours of face-to-face time with someone for the very first veil of who they are to be seen. Then another 200+ hours for the next veil, and so on. This translates to time spent, and in our modern speed dating and relating, we don’t do this. Instead, we hop into a situation instead of exploring a relationship and do so unconsciously. If we truly desire a love story that becomes a life story with our soulmate, then why not become more conscious in our approach, to begin with?

Conscious coupling is pretty simple. It means that we take the time to know ourselves and understand that our intimate relationships only reflect ourselves. So often, we are attracted to what we see as the opposite. However, the opposite is the parts of ourselves that we have not acknowledged or accepted. We are attracted to this other soul because we feel complete with them. When we consciously look at relating, we see that the ideal relationship shows us our fullness. The connection is a union that harmonizes and creates a ground for the full expression of each soul involved to feel their totality within the relationship container.

Next, conscious coupling focuses on knowing what we need, want, and desire to expand, therefore, what we want to look for within a partner. Knowing our core values, understanding our boundaries and non-negotiables, and ensuring we are courageous enough to not sidestep and ignore them because of some pretty packaging shown to us. From here, we can look at how our lives blend with this other soul – we often overlook what seems like small things in a relationship, such as our diets or sleep schedules. However, when we truly want a soul union with someone else, we must explore and be realistic with bendability in the relationship. It’s not just good enough to feel chemistry with someone. Compatibility is a must for the long game of life partnership and relationship success and happiness. Chemistry will ebb and flow through the life of the relationship. Compatibility is the glue that holds it together in times of struggle.

Our world loves shiny new things in everything we do and enjoy. Our relationships are not secluded from this human desire to explore something new. We thrive on new relationship energy where butterflies fill our stomachs, and we get a rush from our partners to kiss. However, a real and conscious relationship is about the union and support of this other soul. It is about finding a place to call home and feeling secure there. This we can only have if we become conscious of who we are and what that means to our needs and vision for intimate relationships.