At the heart of every thriving community lies a simple yet profound impulse—the desire to give, connect, and matter—and understanding how to channel that impulse is what it truly means To Be of Service.
To Be of Service: Finding Purpose, Connection, and Fulfillment in Giving
by Dr. Carl Greer
Many people wish to be of service to others because it feels right to do so and because they sense this will give them a sense of purpose and connection to their community. If you’re uncomfortable with how you are (or aren’t) giving in service to others, and you want to change that, you might want to think more deeply about some of the aspects of being of service.
Thinking More Deeply About Donations
Donating to charities is one of the simplest ways to serve, but how do you decide which ones to support when there are so many important causes? Maybe you have one or two that are closest to your heart, but you feel overwhelmed by how many worthy organizations could benefit from your financial support. Your top list of charities might be so long that you could go broke giving significant amounts to each.
I believe in funding charities that have the most meaning for you for whatever reason, trusting that others are giving, too, so there’s no need to overthink the mix of organizations you support and how much you give to each. Also, even if you can’t give a lot of money, you might donate a symbolic amount. You can also share with others the names of organizations and causes you support, knowing that doing so can inspire others to give what they can, too.
Donating Time and Talents—and Learning New Skills
Another way to give in service to others is with your time and talents. I and my wife, Pat, fund charities through a foundation we set up, The Greer Foundation, and have talked with the executive directors of organizations we support to learn more about their challenges to see if there are other ways we can help, too. Sometimes, I’ve been able to offer insights based on my years of running a business and leading shamanic workshops.
For example, I’ve experienced in workshops that conversations held in a circle can be more productive and involve less conflict than if people are positioned opposite from each other as they talk. It’s a tip many who run charities have found useful in supporting their members and teams in conducting healthy, productive conversations, even about difficult topics.
Improving Your skills of giving
What about your skills and knowledge? Can you write, organize, or market events, or provide transportation or other practical help? If you know how to organize an online fundraiser, even just a small investment of your time can make a big difference. If you like the idea of helping put together an event-based fundraiser, you could team with others who may feel more comfortable than you are with various tasks. Then, you might find that your sense of connection to your community is strengthened. Where you lack skills, someone else might have them in abundance—and vice versa. You may even find you have a larger social network than you realized. Also, while organizing the fundraiser, you might make new friends.
Plus, you can often develop new skills through volunteer work. When no one with a particular skill is available to take up a task, you might give it a go and teach yourself how to do it. It can be nerve-wracking yet exhilarating to reach outside of your comfort zone, but if you stretch yourself, you might find yourself not just satisfied but enthusiastic about continuing your service work.
Perhaps you’ll serve by helping a neighbor or friend who needs assistance. People don’t always advertise their needs, and they may be reluctant to admit they’re struggling. If you know someone has some challenges, such as with mobility or finding time to run errands or cook for themselves, think about ways you could ease their burden. You might not think you have much to offer, but simply being able to drive someone who has difficulty with that task, or do some time-consuming yardwork for someone who is caretaking for a sick family member, can be very beneficial ways to be of service.
Listening As Service
What’s more, spending time simply listening to someone can be a great way of giving to others. I believe in practicing sacred listening, which means you listen with your full attention, not waiting for a pause when you can interrupt to talk about yourself! Many people suffer from loneliness, and you can start a conversation with them as you prepare a meal, enjoy their garden with them, play a game, or fold their laundry with them. Simply sitting and listening might be the best thing you can do for someone in your community.
Returning to Service After an Absence
If you’ve given in service before but fell out of the habit, think about how you felt previously when you volunteered to help a person or cause. Were you ever anxious or reluctant to step out and be of service but engaged in it anyway and later were glad that you did? If so, what can you learn from that experience? If you were uncomfortable with some aspect of what you did or how you did it, think about ways you can avoid this problem next time. For example, if you didn’t feel comfortable greeting strangers at a charitable event, maybe you can be involved in a similar event in a different way, working with a few people behind the scenes instead of taking on a duty that makes you anxious.
Service as a Benefit to You, Too
Some would say that it’s not okay to have self-serving motives if you want to be of help and that you shouldn’t think about your own emotional needs as you give. But what if you want to do volunteer work so you can alleviate your loneliness, have an opportunity to lead a group, develop a skill you always wanted to have, or do something you feel is important and gives you a deeper sense of purpose.
Is that so bad? When I was undergoing Jungian analysis while studying to become a Jungian analyst, I discovered that one of my reasons for wanting to achieve that goal was that I longed to help others. However, another was to feel special about my ability to make a difference in people’s lives. That hidden motivation might have led to problems if I hadn’t become aware of it. Once I did, I was able to accept that desire while also keeping it in check so that I could better serve my clients when I did become an analyst.
If you want to be appreciated by the people you serve, the recipient of your service will benefit even though that part of your motivation could be considered selfish. You might even say that the people you serve are serving you, too—by helping you to have certain experiences. I think what’s most important is the attitude you bring to your service. Recognize that giving to others benefits you but also should involve selflessness and a great deal of focus on others.
Let Go of the Need for Control and Accolades
As you prepare to be of service to others, be sure to release your need to micromanage others and receive accolades for what you’ll be doing. Serving others without expectation of thanks in return is a marvelous gift. To paraphrase a friend of mine, Alberto Villoldo, PhD, an author on shamanism, spirituality, wellness, and well-being, you can do almost anything if you give up your need to take credit for doing it. If it’s praise you’re seeking, spend some time in positive self-talk after you’ve done your service work. Celebrate yourself and your gift to others, perhaps by buying yourself a special treat or simply reminding yourself that you’ve done something very kind and generous.
If you give money to a cause or perform a service, consider how you would feel if you did it anonymously. However, sometimes, having people see you volunteering or spot your name on a donation list can inspire them to give, too, so ponder that possibility.
Your Hidden Wisdom About Your Service to Others
To be of greater service than you have been until now, or to change how you’re giving to others so that you’re more comfortable, you might want to take some time to meditate until you are in a calm state of mind, with your analytical brain quieted, and pose the following three questions of what I call your wise inner self. This is the self that is clued into any hidden agendas or beliefs you might have.
Then, wait to see what answers arise.
Question 1: “What do I not know about my being of service?”
2: “To be of service (or ‘of greater service’), what do I need to let go of?”
3: “To be of service (or ‘of greater service’), what do I need to bring in?”
These three questions are valuable because they offer insights into how you can be of service most effectively. They also acknowledge that when we want to change something in our lives, we often must clear space for something new to come in.
We don’t always recognize the obstacles we create that block us from our goals. Maybe you need to let go of your need for others’ approval and build your confidence so you feel comfortable volunteering when you walk into a situation where you don’t know anyone.
Letting go of something and bringing in something else to take its place involves an energy exchange. You might be able to feel this while you are in your meditative state by simply asking your wise inner self to help you make the switch.
As you think about how to change your ways of being of service and how much you are giving, take what you learn and apply it. Remember, good intentions aren’t as valuable as actually taking action. It’s easy to get stuck in our heads, thinking that someday we ought to make a change. By making small, incremental changes to how we are of service and working with our hidden wisdom to remove obstacles that get in the way of our helping others, we find that change stops being just a wish and becomes our reality.
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About the Author
Carl Greer, PhD, PsyD, is a retired clinical psychologist and Jungian analyst, a businessman, and a shamanic practitioner, author, and philanthropist, funding over 60 charities and more than 2,000 past and current Greer scholars. He has taught at the C.G. Jung Institute of Chicago and been on staff at the Replogle Center for Counseling and Well-Being. His new book is Go Within to Change Your Life: A Hidden Wisdom Workbook for Personal Transformation. Learn more at CarlGreer.com.
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