The 6 Secrets of a Successful Relationship

If you are in a successful relationship, you must know these secrets!

Successful Relationship Secrets

There are a few basic truths which you should be aware of if you want a successful relationship. Having this knowledge will enable you to transform a mediocre relationship into something deeply satisfying. Although these truths are founded in common-sense, it’s as though they’ve been forever locked away in a vault for only the lucky few to access. It’s time to share these secrets with everyone.

Successful Relationship Secret #1

The first secret is to give up living in hopeful fantasy and to see and accept your partner for who they really are. If this new clarity means that you discover some intolerable or unacceptable behaviors or attitudes on their part, then don’t waste anyone’s time and just walk away. Knowing the truth gives you the power to take good care of yourself. You’ll be avoiding a whole lot of misery in this way.

You also need to know that your partner fully sees and accepts you as you are. There’s no point in presenting a “cleaned up” version of yourself to them because then the person that they’re loving isn’t the real you. You can never feel truly loved if you’re showing them an inauthentic self. If you’ve shown your true self to your partner and they can’t accept it, again, walk away. Nothing’s going to change.

Successful Relationship Secret #2

The second secret in successful romance is not to make your partner responsible for giving your life meaning. Both people should be complete beings; each with their own life, friends, and attitudes. You should complement each other rather than complete each-other. Each person needs to bring something of value to the table, and you must remain separate and distinct individuals while developing your connection.

Becoming overly-enmeshed and giving up your identity in a relationship is a sure way of creating unhappiness. Your partner chose you for your unique qualities. Losing them would mean depriving your partner of what they liked about you in the first place. It won’t make you happy to give up important parts of yourself and it will only make you that much less attractive to your partner.

Successful Relationship Secret #3

The third secret of a successful relationship is mutual respect. There is no place in a healthy interaction for contempt, shaming or being dismissive toward one-another. As soon as any of these attitudes become part of the relationship, it’s doomed. Both individuals must value their partner’s needs, feelings, thoughts and dreams.

Successful Relationship Secret #4

The fourth secret of success is trust. There can be no real intimacy without profound trust. This trust should be based, however, on both people demonstrating to each-other through their actions that they are trustworthy. When you have seen that your partner means what they say and keeps their promises, and when they’ve seen the same in you, real trust can take place. This makes it possible for both of you to be vulnerable and yet safe.

Successful Relationship Secret #5

The fifth secret of a good relationship is not to expect the other person to heal your emotional wounds. This means that as wonderful as love is, it isn’t the cure for what ails you. It’s your responsibility to work on whatever emotional baggage you might be carrying from your childhood or from previous relationships, as opposed to burdening your partner with this expectation.

Successful Relationship Secret #6

Finally, the biggest secret of all: make your partner happy and they’ll do everything they can to make you happy, too. There is an exception to this, however. Your partner must be emotionally healthy enough to reciprocate your love and attention. If you’ve been trying your best to make them happy and they aren’t doing the same for you, it means that things will always be one-sided and that it’s time to leave.

A successful romance is mainly a matter of common sense. Be realistic with your partner; stay true to yourselves; maintain your separate identities; be kind and generous and don’t burden each-other with inappropriate expectations. When you come together as conscious, responsible adults with lots of love to give, you can’t help but create a meaningful and satisfying union.

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About the Author

Marcia Sirota MD FRCP(C) is a board-certified psychiatrist, that does not ascribe to any one theoretical school. Rather, she has integrated her education and life experiences into a unique approach to the practice of psychotherapy. She considers herself a realist with a healthy measure of optimism. Sign up here for her free monthly wellness newsletter.