Mom, She Stole My Spot!
We all have a “spot” that we feel is ours. What’s yours?
What Spot Have You Claimed?
by Lisa Berry
What spots have we claimed to be ours? What spots have we denied ourselves from occupying? Expressing our personalities and identity isn’t always what we announce, it’s also what we don’t say or show. The light and shadow of all spots exist. We can see how both are gifts once we explore their connection to what attracted us in the first place.
Mom, she put her feet on my side of the couch! Mom, she put her game on my side of the car! Mom, she won’t get out of my room!
Claiming our spot, putting a stake in the ground, identifying the perimeter lines, we do this to state our presence, our value, but we also do this to feel safe, and to know what area to guard, to protect, and to have something we own that we can design and create to express ourselves from.
Our spot has a relationship to our identity. It’s where we feel comfortable, where we retreat to, where we operate from. It’s also where others recognize us. People connect us to the “spot” we choose in life. We often recognize someone at their work or in a uniform or driving a certain color car however when we run into them outside of those familiar places and “spots” we look right past them.
We also do this when we change our external look including our attitudes. We can feel and appear to others as very different people when we are stressed compared to when we are relaxed or having fun.
But what happens when we are told that we can’t have the spot we want? What happens when we are guilted from or punished for expressing which spot feels right to us?
When my sister and I were growing up we both loved our toys, as most children do, we had our favorites of course but to make things easier for gift purchasing from friends and family members my sister and I were…well more than encouraged… to choose “our thing.” My sister chooses cats first, and when I chose cats as well, I was quickly told that I could not. I was told to pick something else, that there were lots of themes of toys and collectibles but cats were not an option and that they were my sister’s choice. This devastated me and seemed utterly unfair because I loved cats and they were my choice. At first, I cried and was sad, but then I got angry and started questioning in a very pushy and disobedient way. “Why can’t I love cats to!?” “Why can’t we share that spot?” I demanded a response that I could deem acceptable. I wasn’t prepared for the answer my parents gave me.
I was told that there would be competition in the cat collecting and the gift receiving and that my sister would feel bad every time I got a new stuffed cat toy or cat figurine or a shirt with a cat on it.
This answer stopped me in my tracks.
I was defeated by guilt and my sensitive nature to never want to hurt my sister. I was made aware of the potential pain that I could be responsible for causing my sister, and that was unacceptable to me, so I chose the giraffe. I chose the giraffe because I thought it was the oddest looking animal and no one else would ever choose it, and so I’d never hurt anyone by receiving giraffe toys. There would be no blaming me for someone else’s pain, and so I stepped out of my “spot” and denied my true identity.
But did I really deny my true identity? Years later I question that belief and have explored it thoroughly since. After choosing the giraffe and truly falling in love with the gorgeous animal, and later even realizing how much the giraffe and I had in common with our long necks and love of eating greens, I realized that part of my true identity was that I would sacrifice. As I do a life review now, I see that compassion plays a major role in my identity wheel. I also see how every characteristic of identity has a beaming light from it as well as a shadow.
The shadow for me is that while I am grateful for having compassion, I must at the same time be aware and mindful that I do not lose myself. That I do not give away my spot but that I can share it just like my love for cats.
Looking at each of our own lives, what spots have we chosen? Which spots are we protecting and what are the shadows of those spots? The light and the shadows of all our spots are beautiful gifts and being able to express from both sides will allow for deep and expansive growth and help us to see that no one can ever truly steal our spot.
You will also enjoy Unmasked: Becoming Our True Self Within
About the Author
Lisa Berry is an expert in breathing life into the dreams of those wanting to live vibrantly, energetically, happy and fulfilled while standing confidently and strongly rooted in their personal power.
Lisa fulfills her commitment as a Life Coach, Registered Holistic Nutritionist, and Creator and Host of Light On Living Radio Show on OMTimes Radio, as she recognizes her mission to find, help and connect with those who need and want to shine.
